General comments on my life thus far

I was looking over the board today and I started having some thoughts after reading several of the topics. Unfortunatly, I didn't they fit in any of the existing topics, so I decided to start another one. Just to forewarn you, this is a long post of me rambling on about some of the things I've been thinking about recently. Not that that's going to stop any of you or anything...

I was reading the topic about asking if there were any clues to whether people were gay or not, and it got me thinking. Mercedez had listed some stereotypical gay characteristics, and as I was reading those I thought, Wow, I hardly fit into any of these... I guess I'm really into theatre and I don't play sports, which are two of the more major stereotypes. Although, I'm more into the crew part of theatre than acting, and I don't play any sports currently, I was on a bowling league for years, and I also took tennis lessons over the summer in elementary school. I might have tried to take it up if I just had more time... Gym class has never been my favorite class, so I guess that tells me that I'm really not into sports that much.

 

I decided to break this up into different posts, because I feel like I'm going to be talking about completely different topics (that, and it makes my posts look shorter..).

'Signs to Tell Someone Is Gay.' Let's see, how do I "rate..." Loves 'such and such' TV show. I'd have to say N/A for myself, because I don't really watch TV (ever since i took a tv production class at my school, i haven't watched it since). I only watch it when someone else has the TV on.

'Very flamboyant voice/walk.' Nope (at least, not that i know of).

I read in an article somewhere that in addition to the 'in your face' gays and the 'I'm a gay but I'm going to live my life straight because I feel like being gay is morally wrong or some other reason' gays, there's another group of gay people emerging. They are considered the 'yes, I'm gay, but I won't go and rub it in your face' gays. I feel as if I fall under that category. I don't dress like the stereotypical gay, I don't talk with a lisp or anything, I just accept the fact that I'm gay, I let others know about it (if they really want to know or try to hook me up with a girl for a dance [the main reason i came out in the first place]), and then I move on. I'm gay, but I don't revolve my life around it.

Has a lot of girl friends. Yes, but I also have lots of guy friends, as well (mostly guy friends right now in college, because those are the people i've been trying to meet over the past two weeks that i've been here).

I've been thinking about the whole guy friend / gal friends (i specifically don't say boy friends or girl friends, it implies the wrong things), and I think I've come up with my own conclusion about friends, and why I can hold conversations with some people of both sexes, and others I'd just stand around being awkward with. It seems like if someone has a similar personality type to me, then I'll be able to talk to them. I've had great gal friends (as long as they didn't try to get into any intimate relationships), and I've been able to talk to and understand guys better than [i've read] other guys here have (of course, it helps if they aren't the hottest guys i have ever seen..). The whole personality thing may seem completely obvious to some people, but I've recently spent a lot of time trying to make sense of the fact that I'm gay and don't have all (or nearly all) gal friends.

 

Clothing-savvy... Let's see, where to start... First off, I'm not a guy who loves to go clothes shopping. In my own humble opinion, there are much better ways that I can spend my time than going around looking at clothes. I do it when I need to, but besides that, I tend to avoid clothing stores.

As far as fashion goes, I'm good enough to pick out a matching set of clothes every morning. And that's the extent of my fashion. I don't care about doing anything special to my hair, I just wake up, comb it, and be done with it. I also don't wear tight-fitting clothes. On the contrary, I prefer loose, baggy clothes with lots of pockets. How girls can survive wearing pants with pockets that are for decoration only, I'll never know (although i suppose that's why they use purses).

Yah, I just have lots of fun trying to figure out where I fit into the whole "gay-straight" spectrum, characteristic-wise. Do I have any doubts about being gay, or think there's a chance that I might be bi? Nope. Want to know my justification? Well, I think I'll use porn (ooh, such a forbidden topic, i know..). When I go online and look at porn (kind of hard since i'm now at college, and i've heard that they can see where you've been, so i've avoided it altogether), I could care less about naked women. When I had a girlfriend a while back, I was attracted to her personality, but I felt no sexual attraction whatsoever. So yes, despite the fact that I don't find myself in line with some of the typical gay characteristics, I know that I am definitely gay.

 

Next topic.

I've been in college for about 2 weeks now, and I've meet a lot of different guys so far. Just so you know, I'm the type of person who floats from group to group, instead of settles down with one particular group. I don't know why I do this, I just do. I also tend to hang out with the "not-so-popular" people (as in theatre people, social rejects, non-athletic people, ect.).

I've met some (in my opinion) pretty cute looking guys which, fortunately for me, are both my friends and are both in one of my classes. During the last class we had together, they sat on either side of me. Part of that class was not spent focusing on the class... It's like, I wanted to just go and stare at them, but a) staring is impolite, and b) they're sitting right next to me, so me staring at them would just get awkward and uncomfortable. The first guy I'm pretty sure is straight, but the second guy I don't know (possibly because i don't want him to be, but who knows..). He's skinny like I am, and about the same height as I am (i'm 5' 8"). He's into theatre (he's taking a theatre class with me, at least), and he's also on the cheerleading team. When he told me he was on it, it really surprised me. Does it imply anything if a guy is on the cheerleading team?

I've never seen him at practice, but I have seen part of the team practice, and I've seen some of the other guys on the team. They look like they could be on the football team if they wanted to. It surprised me that he was on it because he definitely wasn't as big or muscular as the other male cheerleaders that I've seen. He seems kind of shy when I've talked to him, and he seems to be a little more reserved, personality-wise (although i'm going to try to have to eat some meal with him in a group or see him at a practice to see what his general personality is.

There's also a guy in my dorm that I like that has caught my attention. I'm thinking he's straight, but not quite positive. He's got a pretty strong attitude, though he doesn't have a very outgoing personality. He's told me that "all girls are good for is breaking your heart," which tells me something about his past. He doesn't appear to be actively dating or searching for anyone, so I'm not sure if he's a straight guy that's not interested at the moment, or if he's gay at all.

Background note: Frisbee golf is a really big thing at my school, and I mean big as in there is an established course around the campus, you can buy Frisbees at the school bookstore, and I think there's even a school website that outlines the course.

Every Tuesday night while, weather permitting (and season-permitting), there is apparently some tradition that all of the guys (and sometimes girls) in my dorm (it is co-ed) go out and play Frisbee golf, at 11 or 12 at night, wearing nothing but boxers (the girls apparently wear sports bras). It has only happened once so far, and I did not participate (nor will i ever. a) i have no interest, and b) i wear breifs). Interestingly enough, neither did this other guy I was just talking about. From an unintentional glance at his dirty laundry basket, I noticed that he, too, wears briefs (at least occasionally). If nothing else, I've got a feeling that this may be one reason why he doesn't join in on these Tuesday night games. I've never asked him directly why he doesn't go, but he has implied that he has no interest, either.

It's all just stuff I've been thinking about. If only I could tell if these guys were gay. I'd like so much to know...

 

Another topic...

So, I've located a few GSA-type groups that the school has (although they're technically not affiliated with the school, or more correctly, the school won't affiliate with them). I actually found both of them through Facebook. One of them, called "A Forum For Gay and Straight Students ," has a meeting this upcoming Thursday. I'm thinking of going to that. I was curious how many people came and what all they talked about, so I emailed them, and this is what they said:

I've been thinking about going, and what would happen if I tell them I'm gay. I haven't told anyone on campus yet, and I've got a feeling that if word leaked out, everyone would still know. It's got an enrollment of about 3,000, so it's not a small school, per say, but it certainly isn't huge. I'm just really curious what the meeting is going to be like.

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Ok, I'm done typing, for now. Thanks to all that heard me out. There was just a lot on my mind that I wanted to talk about. Feel free to post comments. If nothing else, you got to read about some of the things that I've been going through. Hopefully you found out that you and I share a few things, and that you're not alone.

I'll be curious what people have to say, if/when they respond to this. Feel free to respond to individual things, and not respond to everything at once. I know I covered a lot of topics here.

 

Yah, I copied and paisted it into a word document, and found that it was about 3 pages long. Looking at the dates, it also took me a little under two hours to write that. The individual posts are nice, as it gives it some nice stoping points.

I look foreward to any comments, mostly because I'm curious about what people are going to say.