I had this friend (I guess we are no longer considered friends :icon_sad who I heard was gay through the grapevine. I was very indifferent about his sexuality at this point. I went over to his house a few times with a group of friends, but I really didn't know him all that well. He said to someone that he had a crush on someone in my grade (he's a year older) and I was determined to find out who it was. I had a strong suspicion that it was me and so I told him that I liked him over the internet (even though it wasn't true at the time) to see what he would say. I did this only because I was supposed to move at the end of the school year and I figured that if something went wrong, I would never have to see him again. He told me that he felt the same way and that he was glad that I told him. He said that he would have said something earlier, but he was afraid that I would think he was weird (I'm not openly gay). So, we continued to talk casually over the internet and I eventually found myself very attracted to him. We would see each other at school, but we would only have very brief conversation because we are both pretty shy. Eventually, he started ignoring my messages and stopped inviting me to hang out with him. I asked him why and he told me that he was no longer interested in guys and that nothing could have happened between us anyway, because I was going to move. I took the rejection fairly well, but I felt that I needed a relationship and so I asked out a girl that I knew had liked me since I met her freshman year. I didnt have any feelings for her and I still feel guilty for taking advantage of her just to prove that I could still get involved with someone, even if I were about to move. I decided that I still wanted to be friends with the guy I had liked and sent him a few casual messages. I told him when I found out that I DIDN'T HAVE TO MOVE but he didn't seem to care. A while later he started sending me messages that attacked my character and I took him very seriously. He told me that I needed to stop acting depressed all the time just to get people to feel sorry for me. When I tried to defend myself, he told me that he was just trying to help and that I was a crybaby with no friends. At that point, I just decided to stop trying to talk to him. A few months passed (during summer vacation) and school was about to begin again. I was still dating the same girl, but we hadn't gone on any dates for a while. I was planning on breaking-up with her, but I couldn't find the opportunity to do it. I had finally worked out a day to go on our final date, but I got a message from the guy that I hadn't heard from in months. He said that he was sorry for everything and he asked me if I wanted to come over the next day. I cancelled my date with my girlfriend to make time for him. I was under the impression that he just wanted to hang out (as friends) but then he asked me if I wanted to do.. certain sexual things with him. I didn't want to, but I said I would because I didn't want him to be angry at me again. He wanted me to explain in full detail what we were going to do the next day, but I was ready to go to bed and said that we would figure it out as we went along. But then he told me that he wanted to build the anticipation and so we talked for hours about what we were going to do. We stopped talking at 3:00AM and I couldn't fall asleep until 6:00 because I was so anxious. Then he messaged me at 10:30 (we were supposed to met at noon) and said that he couldn't stop puking. I asked him if he was alright and he started to ignore me. I was afraid that he was lying and I was right. I kept asking him about it until he told me that he was hanging out with friends and that I needed to get a life. He later said that it was all a joke and that none of it was ever going to happen. School started shortly after and I kept myself busy with challenging classes and plenty of extra-curricular activities. I finally broke-up with the girl I didn't like and told her it was because I was so busy. I would see the boy that I now despised at least 3 times a day and we would exchange awkward stares. I went on a date with another guy because I was curious about my sexuality. It didn't go well at all because we don't have very much in common and so we decided to leave it at that. He promised that he wouldn't tell anyone about it. Life went on. I would go to football games with my friends and I was doing really well academically. I started to spend a lot of time with a certain irl and ended up taking her to homecoming. I had a blast at the dance and I worked up enough courage to ask me to be my girlfriend (and she still is to this day). I feel like we have a lot in common and I really like her more than I've ever liked anyone before. I really don't want to hurt her. All that time I had been very careful as to who I let know about my homosexual feelings. The only people I told were my close friends and I looked to them for advice. I did not tell my ultra-conservative family because I just wasn't sure yet. I didn't want to come out of the closet just to go back and say I like girls again (like a certain someone did!). I've only really liked that one guy. Anyway, I made sure to keep our messages hidden until one day I left the computer to go to the bathroom, while staying logged-in, and I came back to find my mother looking through all of my stuff. I told her to stop, but she said that it was her "job" to COMPLETELY INVADE MY PRIVACY. I left the room and hoped that she wouldn't find out about anything too extreme. Needless to say, this is not exactly the way that most people want to come out to their parents, even if they ARE sure in their sexuality. My mom kept trying to talk to me about it and wouldn't tell me exactly what she had read, but expected me to confess. I told her that I had been confused, but I was relatively confident that I liked girls because things had been going really well with my girlfriend. She told me that it was against our religion and that she was upset at me for living a "double life." Meanwhile, I was getting ready to go to All-State choir for a weekend and I was (unwillingly) going to share a room with the guy I had liked and 4 other guys. My mom almost didn't let me go and made me promise that I wouldn't do anything with him. At All-State, I was told that the guy I had liked had talked behind my back about how I had no talent and that he found about my lunch date with the other guy. This news was rather upsetting to me and I buried myself in the couch in our hotel room. I didn't realize that he was the only other person in the room. He said, "I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm sorry I've been such a dick to you." I was too scared to say anything. He said, louder, "Can you hear me?" I said, "Yes; it's okay." He told me that he was just "nervous about shit." Then he decided to take a shower. He came out of the bathroom a few seconds later and asked me to join him. I told him that I didn't want to, but I got really scared and I couldn't do or say anything else. He kept pestering me until eventually I gave in. He seemed really upset and I just wanted to make him happy. I did not enjoy it at all. I was shaking and crying the entire time. I gave him a hug then he kissed me. Then he asked me something but I couldn't understand what he said, so I just shook my head. I think it was something along the lines of him asking me if I wanted to go further. He said "why not?" and I shrugged my shoulders. He got really mad and started cursing at himself. As he left he said, "I'm not the person you think I am... you deserve better." I tried to talk to him about it later but he just ignored me. Then he stayed up the entire night crying and I assumed it was because of me. I found out later that it was because of something else. But he still refuses to talk to me. I returned home feeling extremely guilty. I lied to my mom, I cheated on my girlfriend, and I hurt someone even though I thought it would make things better. Things piled up at school and I was up until 2:00 every morning just trying to get stuff done. I found it very hard to motivate myself because I was really depressed about what had happened. I found out a few days later that my dad had been diagnosed with skin cancer. I got in trouble at school for making fun of a teacher online and I received a 2 day suspension. I had never even gotten a detention before, because I work hard and am generally a good kid. Not only was I removed from school, but I was required to miss a speech competition, a debate tournament, and my swing choir concert. I was devestated because I was really looking forward to these things. When I went home, I didn't know what to expect. I wasn't sure how my parents would react because I had never done anything like this before. My parents were not very happy. They took away my phone and told me that I could only do homework or read the Bible. I wasn't allowed to sleep off my stress like I normally do. They cancelled my birthday party that I had been looking forward to for over a month. They told me that what I did was really stupid and that I could have gone to jail for it. They said that it would go on my permanent record, that my teachers would no longer like me, and that I wouldn't be able to get into a good college because of it. They said that they had been "cutting me slack" because they thought I was working hard and being a good kid. My mom forced me to give her all of my passwords so she could delete all of my accounts and she found out about what happened at All-State. She said that I was going to regret it for the rest of my life. While my parents were saying all this to me, my girlfriend called me on my phone. She wanted to know how I was doing and asked me if I was still going to have my party. My dad took my phone and didn't let me call her back. He said that I could only talk to people if they called on our home phone. Then, they took my little brother out to eat and left me home alone. I felt terrible. I had no way of talking to anyone. All my friends' numbers were programmed into my cell phone. I didn't know what to do. I felt like life couldn't get any worse. I just needed someone to talk to. Then I couldn't take it anymore. I rummaged through our medicine cabinets to find something I could take. I grabbed three large bottles of Ibuprofen and swallowed at least 250 pills. I walked around my house and waited to puke blood but nothing happened. Then, I heard the phone ring. It was my frien and she wanted to know if I was still able to volunteer with her. I told her what I had done and she immediately called an ambulance and came to my rescue. If it weren't for her, I would be dead right now. Any advice? [specifically on the boy - I don't want to have a relationship with him, but at the same time, I don't want him to be mad at me. I'm tired of the awkward stares.]
wow hun. *hugs* first off, the guy sounds like a total douche. i would recommend treating it as a break up, know that the akward stares will keep going on for awhile, until it is either no longer akward or one of you moves on. staying involved with him in any sort of way will only keep things where they are now, with alot of mixed signals and it will not help either of you, he obviously is having some issues that he is trying to work out, and you dont need to try and figure out his shit on top of your own, you just have to worry about you. if he gets mad or upset or something, he can only blame himself for treating you like he has. as for your parents, i guess there isnt much you can do at the moment, you are being punished and they will continue to do so until they seem fit, no matter what the consequences, they may one day be alright with what happened at all state or they wont be, either way it doesnt change the fact that it happened, and that you are young and who knows, it may happen again. dont stress the lables of sexuality so much, just because things are going good with ur girlfriend, doesnt mean that you dont like men, and just because u have a curiosity about men doesnt mean that you cant have a decent relationship with a girl, just do whatever feels right and you are okay with, dont do anything for the wrong reasons. again, with the boy, dont do anything because he is asking, or because you dont want to hurt him or for him to be angry, you look out for number one.(you) drugs are never the answer, and lets face it suicide isnt either. if you feel taht alone and confused and out of control right now, then try talking to a counsellor or something, maybe the school offers something or can get u in contact with someone who can help. try to pick one thing at a time and work from there, because if you look at the big picture oyu are only going to feel more lost and out of control. and remember, everyone here at ec is here for you
I need not give you the advice you seek about the guy. He already has: "I'm not the person you think I am... you deserve better." You've put up with too much with him as it is already. There is no need to do something just so another person won't get upset, especially if you don't want to do it. Drop the guy, if he doesn't want to communicate, that, frankly, is probably even better for you in the long run, as harsh as that sounds.
Wow crazy story... Sounds like your a real nice person and got a crap society to live in. Good luck. =]
Let the fellow go and if he asks for anything, answer no. So far he has turned out to be rather bad news for you. Never feel compelled to do anything for someone just to prevent them from being angry at you for not doing so. It is your feelings of low self esteem that is generating that feeling, but you do deserve better, better respect for yourself and caring too. As for the 'rents, well that will just have to be weathered a bit. Do nothing on your computer anymore. Being under your parents roof, you are obligated to follow their rules, so little you can do but mark time until you are on your own. As for the religious aspect, I won't address as I don't have much use for it. You are still in the process of working things out for yourself so don't rush headlong to obtaining a label for yourself. You might just have feelings for this one guy and that is it, it could expand, but too soon. Many are not totally sure about their sexuality until near college age anyway, but the biggest part of the process is being able to accept within yourself whatever it is. Nothing else will really matter all that much. Give things time for now, sounds like a lot has come down but it is not likely to overwhelm as long as you deal with one aspect at a time. Suicide is never an answer and causes greater harm than any relief you might think you will get. Take your time, but learn about how you feel with each aspect of all that has gone on and learn to trust yourself, so far though it has been difficult, I think you have what it takes to overcome or at least understand a lot more than you think. PM me any time you want, we can always discuss that way. Best of luck and remember there are a lot of people here who support you.
Gosh what a lot all for one person to deal with. Hang on there, we are here for you. Firstly, don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with just to make someone else happy. My heart went out to you when I read the part about you crying in the shower. No-one should make you feel that bad about yourself. You do deserve better, love yourself for who you are. You are a good, decent sensitive person and you deserve to be loved and not used and abused. This boy obviously has problems of his own but that is his problem. You can't worry about other people untill you have sorted yourself out otherwise you end up the blind leading the blind. I know that sounds harsh but life is harsh. This boy is not above using you, throwing you to the kerb then feeling guilty about it and totally snobbing you. In a moment of enlightened lucidity he saw what he was doing and warned you off, he obviously can't help himself at the moment so protect yourself and resist any attempts on his part to be friendly, cut him out of your life, don't look at him, don't seek out contact, ignore him. This difficult period will pass. Don't worry about labels. Let yourself love or feel attracted to someone for their personality not because they are a boy or a girl. As for your parent's attitude, I'm sorry but it is totally unacceptable! Yes you live under their roof, they feed and clothe you but you do still have basic human rights and one of those rights is to privacy. You haven't done anything wrong, you haven't broken any laws, you may have broken your parents moral code, but that is their moral code, not yours. They have no right to impose that on you. As parents they are there to teach you and guide you on the path they believe to be right, but you as a human being in your own right have the right to chose to believe as do your parents or make your own moral and religious decisions. I know you feel like you lied to your mum and cheated on your girlfriend and in a way yes you did, but there is more to it than that. You didn't go with the intention of lying or cheating, you found yourself in a difficult position and made a bad call for the right reasons. Well as you go through life you will find that this is often the case, all you can do is learn by it and if a situation similar comes up again you will be better armed to make a better choice. Don't beat yourself up about it EVERYONE makes bad calls sometimes... I bet even your mum has if she were honest! Have you a friend that you can confide in? I feel that you really need someone 'live' on your side at the moment, someone who will check up on you even if your parents take away your phone and leave you alone. Thank goodness that you friend phoned when she did. Can you talk to her? You can get through this (*hug*)
Wow - for a first posting, that was pretty heavy. I'm sorry to hear things aren't going well for you. I hope your parents are being more supportive now that they know how upset you are. Welcome to EC. I hope this site provides you with some comfort and support that you've needed the last little while.
I don't really have much advice...but I do wish you well. I hope everything works out for you and I hope that your parents can be more supportive...
Hey, i know how you feel. Juggling parents, a girlfriend, schoolwork, and your feelings towards people is no easy task. The best thing i could say is lock away those pills, put school as priority #1, your own saftey next, parents last. and if yer school has a GSA, go to it immidatley. they do help :hug: If you ever feel like you may do something bad to yourself, just call someone on the phone and just talk. you will eventually talk yerself out of it it works
Wow, thanks for all the support! Just seeing that so many people care to read what I wrote is enough to make me feel better and your profound advice helps a lot. I just wish that there were a way that he could understand that I want to be his friend and that I want to help him through whatever is making him nervous, regardless of what that means for me.. meaning that I don't care if he has feelings for me or not, but I don't want him to have to feel guilty or anything.
Sometimes people need to be ready to accept help before you can do anything for them. I also think that you need to focus on you. What can you do for yourself that will make you happy? You can't find that through someone else - you need to be able to find that in yourself. This - I know - is easier said than done. But based on my experiences that's what I'd suggest you work on. So stick around here if that is what makes you feel good! We're a great bunch!
You are going through a really tough time right now and should remember something - this will eventually pass. It took a lot of courage to explain all of this on this site. Seek out people to talk with. Ask for help. Please do not ever forget that you have a very long life ahead of you. I know things seem especially dark and difficult for you now but it will get better. If you ever think about taking pills again, or doing something else to hurt yourself, reach out for someone to talk to first. I too have gone through some very difficult times in the past couple of years and sometimes thought of ending things. I can't say it was easy, but life got better. It will for you too. Hang in there!
Well, I think first of all, the guy is a total douchebag. He sounds like one of those gays who just tries to get with people and smells weird. I don't know, that's just a guess. Certainly you're attractive, it's obvious by your profile picture and you can tell that you have a great personality. So I wouldn't worry about this guy at all. As for now, just take things slow. Who knows, you might meet a guy who can turn this all around for you!
