1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Bi/pan-sexuality 101

Discussion in 'Current Events, World News, & LGBT News' started by littledinosaurs, Jul 16, 2009.

  1. littledinosaurs

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2008
    Messages:
    1,636
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Nouvelle-Angleterre.
    Since many people seem to not know too much about this topic I figured I would start a thread devoted to teaching and explain concepts to people who are confused when they hear the word “bisexual” or “pansexual”.

    Myth 1: “People are either Gay or Straight, anyone who is anything else is lying.”

    The problem most people have with sexualities is that they are stuck in binaries. Male and Female, Gay and Straight, Black and White. But all these binaries are really spectrums, many things fall in between the two extremes, and some things don’t fit at all. Starting with gay and straight we have bisexual people who fall in the middle. And on the same token we have asexual people, who don’t lie in the spectrum, but somewhere near it (to the right about 2 inches actually) Bisexuals experience an attraction (could be physical and/or emotional) to both sexes. The attraction may be based on the physical sex and how they accept (or reject) the gender roles that go with it. For some however they are gender-blind and just attracted to the personality of the person (usually called pansexuals, but bi and pan pretty much go hand-in-hand).
    Now most people can hear someone say “they are attracted to both” but it can’t sink in cause of the binaries. To help break thinking in the binaries we’ll look at male and female. Are there only two ways to express your gender? No, there is male, female, and tons of other identities in between the two. Androgyny is one, and some people would consider FtM and MtF as other genders themselves. Not to mention there are people who identify as the third gender (which I know little about, but the point is most people think there are only two, but look how many there really are).

    Myth 2: “Bisexual people are all sluts\will cheat on you\ leave you for the same/opposite sex”


    Reason why people think we’re sluts. Let’s say you see two men holding hands walking down the street, what are they? Most would say gay. Now you see a boy and a girl kissing in the park, what are they? Most would say straight. You see a girl at a party making out with girls and then going to flirt with a boy, what is she? Most would say Bi. In reality all those people could be bi and you’d never know it. Bisexuals are seen as sluts because they only time a bisexual person become visible as a bisexual is when they are exhibiting promiscuous behavior. It’s hard to tell if someone is bi unless they are being promiscuous or they tell you they are bi.
    As for cheating on you, yes bisexuals have a greater population of people whom they are attracted to, but like everyone else they aren’t attracted to every single person. Some people think bisexuals are attracted to everything, but that would be like if I said all gay men are attracted to all men. So their pool is bigger, but they’ve also have to find someone with whom they can cheat on you with. Straight people will even say that finding someone to date/hook up with is not always the easiest tasks, so even with more people the odds of finding someone who is interested is still slim. And as Joey said before, it’s not someone’s sexuality that determines if they will cheat on you, it’s the person themselves. Any person who is gay, straight or could leave you at anytime, but you shouldn’t assume they will. And as Kirah said, you shouldn’t shy away from a relationship cause it could end, the fact is in most people’s lives the majority of their relationships ended!

    Myth 3: “To be bisexual means you must like boys and girls equally”


    If that is the case, and being gay means you must only like your sex then anyone in between these rigid rules is screwed! Labels are all very loose, and should be used how you want them. If someone wants to identify as gay, but they are more attracted to the opposite sex than the same then they are still gay. Your label is what you want it to be. When someone discloses their sexuality you should ask “what does that mean to you” cause each word means something different to each person, and if you really want to know then asking is the best way to find out.

    Myth 4: “When you’re with the same-sex you are gay, when you’re with the opposite-sex you are straight”

    Your sexuality is not defined by who you are with at the currently moment. If so then most of EC has no sexuality since most of you are single, and thus no gay. Also when someone bi is with one gender the feelings for the other don’t go away.

    Myth 5: “Bisexual people need a boyfriend and girlfriend at the same time”


    Some chose to have both, and that is a personal choice, but it is not a need. When a bisexual person is with one gender they aren’t always craving the other gender. They won’t get bored cause they need the other gender. Also, from my experience some bisexuals go on kicks. So one month I’ll really be attracted to girls, but then the next month I’ll notice boys more. Also I’ve never been going out with one gender and then suddenly started craving the other one.

    Myth 6: “Bisexuals have more STD’s”

    Whether a person is practicing safe sex depends on the person, not their sexuality. Also the bigger pool thing doesn’t apply because they still have to go through the process of luring a mate like every other person. And bisexuals aren’t constantly having orgies either.

    Myth 7: “Bisesxuals are just confused, I said I was ‘bi’ once too and now I’m gay/straight”

    True bisexuals are not confused. There are many people who will identify as bi when figuring themselves out. That’s okay, it’s not something easy to figure out and saying your bi helps keep your options open. What else can you call yourself? It’s hard to tell someone you are sexually confused cause you feel pressured to know and put a label on, and bi has become the label that is picked up. It allows people to say “I’m THIS” and then figure out all the rest later. It also allows people to feel connected to the community they know (straight people) while exploring the people they don’t know (gay people).



    That's all i could think of for right now.
    I got most of my understanding of this from listening to Robyn Ochs (http://www.robynochs.com/index.html)

    I hope other people feel free to add their own thoughts on what Bisexuality Truly is, and add more myths to Debunk

    Also after i wrote this whole thing up i found this: http://emptyclosets.com/home/pages/resources/coming-out/bisexuality-qampa.php

    Which Kinda does the same thing, but not many members seem to know of it's existence.
     
  2. Shevanel

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2008
    Messages:
    5,403
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Little Neck, NY
    This message has been approved by Joey. :wink:
     
  3. Maddy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2008
    Messages:
    2,633
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Melbourne, Australia
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    That's an amazing way of looking at it. :eusa_clap

    I'm one of those people who initially identified as bisexual and then realised that I'm gay, and I kind of feel bad about it now because it sort of feels like I'm contributing to one of the toxic beliefs that everyone who identifies as bi is gay or straight but in denial. But I absolutely believe that bisexuality is real, and this thread (as well as the others that have come up over the past few days) has been really informative and helpful.
     
  4. Jekko

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2009
    Messages:
    208
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Hollywood CA
    I disagree, everyone has their own terms epecially when dealing with bisexuality.
     
  5. Étoile

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2007
    Messages:
    1,410
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The Peach State
    Well said! I've got two:

    "Bisexuals are just bored and want to try something different to excite them."
    "Bisexuals date both sexes to receive attention/shock others."

    Neither of which are true.
     
  6. Maddy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2008
    Messages:
    2,633
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Melbourne, Australia
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    If that's the case, you can't expect that it's your terms and your beliefs that will apply to everyone who identifies as bi.
     
  7. Greggers

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2008
    Messages:
    2,698
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    BC, Canada
    Good job with the thread, and wow i never knew the site already had a bisexual Q&A page, i cant believe no one has ever linked to that that ive seen....

    I think someone should make a thread like this about all "sub groups" of the LGBT community. Not just the obvious ones like Bisexuality or Transgender (but, obviously, those too!), but even things like Drag Queens/Kings and Lesbians and Gays who are over masculine/feminine and vise versa, and (yes) Straight people. Seriously though, if we made identical threads like this for every section of the rainbow we could think of and have people submit any questions they have it could REALLY help out. Its definitely hard to put yourself into someones shoes because you can never truly know what its like to be a [enter here] unless you are that.

    I hate to bring it back to Tyra, but that episode she did on "The Gay Kingdom" (search for it in the search bar, its got a thread of its own to view it and talk about it) really showed me how important it is we all just get out there and talk our problems out.

    Again, good job jarrett.
     
  8. littledinosaurs

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2008
    Messages:
    1,636
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Nouvelle-Angleterre.
    I wanted to add stuff to this:

    http://www.bisexualindex.org.uk/index.php/Main/Bisexuality

    and

     
  9. Steve

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2008
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Born in australia, but now living some where else
    Gender:
    Male
    ok .. i DO BELIEV in pansexualtiy, but i dont believe in bi
     
  10. endless poetry

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2009
    Messages:
    203
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ottawa
    ^ now now every one is bisexual to some degree.
     
  11. littledinosaurs

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2008
    Messages:
    1,636
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Nouvelle-Angleterre.
    You are entitled to your opinion, while i disagree i don't want to turn this thread into a huge debate about who is right.

    The purpose of this thread is to educate people about what bisexuality/pansexuality is and not to discuss whether or not it actually exists.

    Also:
    I disagree with this statement as well. There is no real way to prove or disprove it, but I feel that this blanket term accomplishes nothing good. Even if it's true most people can't sense their own bisexual feelings and thus it doesn't do anything to tell someone that they're partially bisexual.
     
    #11 littledinosaurs, Aug 18, 2009
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2009
  12. Shevanel

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2008
    Messages:
    5,403
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Little Neck, NY
    Seconded.
     
  13. Emberstone

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2008
    Messages:
    6,680
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Oregon, USA
    I can not understand bisexuality in the same way I can not understand heterosexualty.

    I do not understand them because I have always been gay, and have never been attracted to women.

    but regardless, I do not devalue people for being straight or bi/pansexual. They are who they are, and the world would be a better place if we could just learn to accept people for who they are.

    The problem is, people keep trying to prove/disprove sexuality, and it only creates further divides.
     
  14. Steve

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2008
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Born in australia, but now living some where else
    Gender:
    Male
    i would like to apologise to all the bisexual people who got offended by my previous posts i have come to a conclusion thanks to you guys that bisexuality exists.

    i feel terrible and am really sorry to all of you guys
     
  15. endless poetry

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2009
    Messages:
    203
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ottawa
    *sigh* why must you always be right

    lol

    I admit it was a generalisation and a huge dancing banana (!) for self discovery instead of labels I give! ! !
     
  16. Psychedelic Bookmarks

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2007
    Messages:
    1,481
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Great thread, littledinosaurs!

    I'm basically the opposite of those people who say they're bi and later come out as completely gay... I came at first as gay but to be honest, I always knew deep down that it didn't really decsribe reality very well. I was cared of being bisexual. Now I'm much more comfortable with it and I'm ready to say, actually, I'm bi! :grin:
     
  17. silas99

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2008
    Messages:
    472
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    In my own world....Wales!
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I think this is a super thread...nice one little dinosaur. I think that bisexuality is so misunderstood by everyone except those who are actually bisexuals. I have to say that I use to be one of those people that passed bisexuality off as homosexual denial, before meeting my best friend near on 5 years ago. I have another myth to add to the list:

    "All bisexuals are just craving attention, because its becoming cool to be gay. They are all either curious straight people or gays in denial"

    Someone actually said that to me a couple of weeks ago...I nearly fell off my chair laughing. "It's cool to be gay...shucks I've never been cool in my life...awesome!"
     
  18. Psychedelic Bookmarks

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2007
    Messages:
    1,481
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Wow, I've never typoed so badly before. In case that is too incomprehensible:
    *came out as gay
    *describe
    *scared

    *headdesk* :icon_wink
     
  19. Derek the Wolf

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2008
    Messages:
    1,126
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Illinois
    Thank you for posting this. Those of us who go more than one way appreciate it ^^
     
  20. adam88

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2009
    Messages:
    815
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, Canada
    A) Bumping this thread so I remember to bookmark it when I get home

    B) Thanks for posting this. :slight_smile:
    Bisexuality is commonly misunderstood, when in many cases (pansexuality for one, which is probably more descriptive of what I am than "bi" but even less understood by the public at large) is actually the simplest to understand: I like other humans, regardless of gender. Done. :grin: