It doesn't seem real - Can anyone relate?

I can relate to this so much! It's like I know I'm not straight or at least not a 100% but (although I want to) the second I think of actually telling someone, it doesn't feel real anymore. Like it's all a big fantasy in my head that I've made up.

Can't really help you out but you're definitely not alone

 

Hey I can totally relate to this. I was so much like this when I was first figuring out my sexuality.
I came to EC completely confused and then started to kind of figure things out but coming out in real life always seemed like such a big step. I think the thing is, coming out in the safety of EC where people are all accepting and you can reveal as much or as little of yourself as you like is a great first step but it comes with the security that if I change my mind or get scared I can at any time delete my account, close that door and never revisit it again and nobody in my real life would be any the wiser. Telling a real life friend however feels so different, so much more permanent. Its like once the words are out of your mouth they can never be taken back, they will always be out there. One of my biggest fears, even bigger than people not accepting me was telling someone and realising I was wrong so you are definitely not alone.
I also had the fear that I wasnt gay enough, as though I knew I liked girls but I didnt know how to be gay. The truth is though there isnt a way to be gay, everyone is gay in their own way. Sure we all have similarities but we also all have differences and you have to find your own gay or bi.
In the end I think I came to the conclusion that the worst case scenario was that I told someone and then fell in love with a guy and whilst that would have taken some explaining and people probably would have been gossiping about it, eventually it would be old news and as long as I was happy what did it really matter.

 

Like the others here, I find this extremely relatable. I've been questioning for a little over a month, and sometimes not being straight feels real and other times I'm convinced I just made the whole think up—even though by now I've probably got more evidence for not being straight than being straight.

I think for me, part of it is that I just didn't question until I was 21. I keep thinking that surely if I wasn't straight I would have at least thought about it before now—although I know that isn't the experience for everyone. Still, I find myself wanting to share this part of my life with people I care about because I hate the feeling of hiding; but like you I'm afraid that if I do I will suddenly or eventually decide that I made it all up and have to take it back. I'm not sure why that outcome sounds so threatening; but for some reason it does.

 

I can relate. It's a weird feeling. And mostly I've totally accepted that I am not 'straight'. Whatever that is!! I have told people I am bi for years, told my mom, had sex with a woman. Then sometimes I wake up and think, wait, am I not straight?! Then I think about my heterosexual marriage. I guess this is part of bargaining phase.

 

I can totally related to all this. And if I go away from here its pretty easy to be in denial. I totally get to the two different 'me's even with the different clothes.. and living outside those things make it seems like it is someone else.

 

I think there can be several reasons; curiosity, fantasy, dissatisfaction with relationships, adventure... ect.

 

I was just thinking more about this.. and it seems so right no matter how i tried to accept the idea i just don't seem to really believe its me. I don't see my fantasies really connecting with the real world or my real life.

 

I can relate so much with this whole topic... So much it made my day. I don't feel like that anymore, but I used to.

 

Thanks
Maybe a better place to start would be, what do you want out of life? Maybe for you, sex isn't the most important thing. Let's say for example you decided that your current relationship and children were more important. Could you work on ways to improve your relationship with your partner? Are there things you can do to spice up your life?

a lot of people here decide that pursuing their intimate desires is the most important thing. That may work for them but not for you. There are people who acknowledge they have these feelings but choose not to act on them because they have other desires in life that conflict. It doesn't even have to be same sex related. Someone who decides to take vows as nun doesn't stop having sexual desire, they choose 'a higher calling'.

you said you fantasize about you with better clothes
How would the ideal you look and what would you be doing?

 

From what I read in your posts you don't really question whether you are gay, just whether you can act on it in the real world?

I also understand it's much harder to give up reality for a feeling. Is there any safe way for you to get confirmation in the real world? Attending a LGBT meetup or something similar?

 

Hey do you think your friends and family would react badly if you came out to them?

 

Yeah thats completely understandable. Do you think your relationship will end regardless of whether or not you come out?

 

Well there are reasons for that. I know it doesnt make it any easier. Have you spoken much to him?