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Well I opened the floodgates. I think I might be gay.

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Godless, Feb 19, 2017.

  1. Lexington

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    It's a bit strange to my eyes, but it seems a lot of people fall way on either end of the spectrum. Either they don't seem to give a thought to STDs, or they're petrified of them. And honestly, the correct spot is more in the middle. One should have a healthy respect for them, but one doesn't need to be terrified of them.

    It's a bit like riding a bicycle. Yes, there's a chance of injury when you ride a bike. But if you stick with the safer stuff - riding on bike paths at a leisurely pace - your chances of seriously injury are extremely low. And if you feel the urge to try something riskier - mountain biking, or going at faster speeds? Well, you put on some protection (helmet, knee pads) just in case. Just doing those simple steps drops the chance of injury way down.

    Sex is very similar. There are plenty of very safe sexual activities where your chance of contracting something are pretty much nil. And if you want to try something riskier? Well, you slip on some protection (condoms, lube) just in case. Just doing those simple steps drops the chance of infection way down.

    (/threadjack)

    Lex
     
    #21 Lexington, Feb 23, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2017
  2. brainwashed

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    I really loved the book Farm Boys by Will Fellows. I put "things" into perspective for me and expanded my understanding of what it is to be gay.
     
  3. Godless

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    I felt so much peace and 100,000 pounds of stress had gone. My wife did not handle the news and told me she wanted to die, and almost did after not eating or drinking for days. Now I'm here 6 days later and I think I about had a mental breakdown. We've been to the ER 2 days ago and have family here with more coming. But I feel obligated to stay with her, even though every part of me wants to leave.
     
  4. Nickw

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    Hey Godless

    Sorry to hear your wife is having so much trouble with this. Please remember that this is not your fault. Understanding our sexuality is so complicated. You didn't plan on this or deceive anyone. That said, taking care of your wife through this transition is being a good guy. But, be sure to include your needs too as you help her. There is no way you will be able to provide care for her without this. Be gay!

    You don't have to run out and have sex. But, certainly having some interactions with other gay guys will be good for you.

    On the STD note. There are plenty of ways to begin exploring your gay sexuality with very limited risk (except for maybe Herpes...which you may have anyway). I have had a number of very sensuous experiences that were very safe. One of my friends is HIV pos. We are just very careful and respectful of boundaries and needs. It's best that way anyway. It seems there can be a lot of pressure to do more than you are ready to do. But, I have found that this is more the culture of casual gay sex than what a lot of us are actually looking for...a connection.

    Everyone needs to move at their own pace. But, I would not dismiss the importance of finding some level of intimacy with other men. I, quite frankly, did not begin to understand my sexuality until I explored a little.
     
  5. SiennaFire

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    Godless

    You've acknowledged that you are gay and that you need to make some major life changes. Please try to remind yourself that the pain you are feeling now is part of the process of becoming who you were born to be. You are fighting for what you need to be happy and content in life, even if that seems selfish. Given your wife's condition, the path from point A to point B might not be obvious right now, yet if you persevere, you will find a path that works and achieves happiness and contentment for you. You will grow and gain strength as part of the process, so obstacles that seem unsourmountable today will be easier to traverse tomorrow. Yes, this requires a leap of faith on your part. There are many people who have made this journey before you and can help you.

    For now break things into baby steps and take things day by day. Understand that an angry reaction from your spouse is part of her processing the news. You've had time to come to terms with your sexuality, and she needs time as well. Keep your eyes on the prize and trust me on this - once you find love with another man, all the pain getting there will be worth it.

    (*hug*)
     
    #25 SiennaFire, Feb 24, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2017
  6. OnTheHighway

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    Godless, try not to let guilt or sense of obligation hold you back from continuing your journey now that you have crossed such a major threshold hold. The reality is, your sexuality is out of the proverbial box and there is no way of putting it back in.

    Now, how you approach this going forward is important. Not only is your own happiness and well being on the line, but so is your wife's. This might seem hard to understand right now, but her ability to live authentically is now tied to yours. In the long run, her happiness requires that she go through some emotional dislocation in the short term. She might not want to look towards the future at the moment, she might be scared and filled with uncertainty, just as you are all the same, but if both of you persist I do believe you can both get to a place that works for each of you. Look forward and find the happiness you seek, for both yourself and your wife.

    Now, I am not aware of your personal circumstances, so you need to factor a proper path that takes into account your specific family needs, but a path forward nonetheless is feasible.

    I hope, in time, you will look back on this period in your life with the recognition that you have made the right decisions!

    On another note, in terms of STI's, the more you know the more comfortable you may become. Research all of the STI's, understand what the risks to getting one is, understand the various treatments, and when you realize they are as much of a risk as getting into a car everyday, you will recognize they are the same part of living as a sexually driven man as it is living life more broadly as a man.
     
    #26 OnTheHighway, Feb 25, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2017
  7. Godless

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    Thanks for the support guys. My wife is leaving with her sister today. Her sister came out and said she needs to be away from me in the meantime. My wife has become completely out of touch with everything. This is probably for the best, but I'm not sure how to feel. I'm worried she won't get the right care. I know I have to let go, but it's hard.
     
  8. Nickw

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    Hey

    I am sorry this is so rough on your wife. But, here's the thing...there is no way that you could have continued to maintain your marriage with the understanding that you are gay and her unacceptance of it. Give it some time and maybe she will come around.

    You did the right thing coming out to her. There is only so much we can give of ourselves for others and giving up your sexuality is not really an option. You have a unique situation in that you have been providing so much care to her. This makes it so much harder.

    Hang in there.
     
  9. TrevinMichael

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    being held seems nice and safe

    not sure what tomorrow will bring

    I will look for loving people and animals