I'm on an emotional rollercoaster... My posts are quite telling in that regard. I just really want to be able to explore this side of me so badly, and do all the things that being a mom and wife do not allow me to do. This is just so frustrating. I want to be able to pursue relationships with women. I want to be able to introspect more. I want to be able to socialise with other queer folks more. I want to be able to go out and meet and flirt and be in a space where expressing myself and exploring my sense of self feels gratifying. I want to be able to read, watch and immerse myself in queer arts, entertainment, music more. Time, space and commitments obviously get in the way. I feel like just taking off for s little but and just being able to explore this stuff. I feel like I'm going to explode.
I have all these things I feel like doing to just be me and explore me. Does anyone else feel stifled, trapped, frustrated?
Oh lordy yes I feel stifled in a similar way! I have two grown children who still live with me...but I haven't even come out yet - I don't even know if what I feel is curiosity or if I'm actually gay and just figured it out. I feel like I have no room to explore anything.
What are you doing to stay sane? I don't know what to do with all of these feelings and all this energy. Now that I'm emerging from shame, fear, insecurity, I'm just like f***, let me be queer! I just want to be out there living this life.
For me I don't know if it's a midlife crisis thing, or an infatuation thing, or bored with my current state of affairs thing, or a realizing I'm bi/les and becoming a teenager thing. But I'm fidgety, unhappy with things as they currently are, but not convinced yet enough to change anything. I don't have kids and I just want to be a teenager
Yes. I try to be patient. Exercise helps. Sometimes just focussing on other stuff that you care about helps. It's probably going to be a long while before I get to be with a woman again, but I am trying not to put the cart before the horse (so to speak) I need to separate, then start to BE out, then I can be with someone. that's what feels right to me, but I am totally dealing with frustrations, and also a desire to completely confirm my sexuality.
Yup. I was actually looking up lesbian bars two days ago before I realized what I was doing. When I thought about it, I was like "and what do you think you are going to DO there?" and the answer was of course, "try to make out with someone!" and then I closed my laptop, annoyed with myself.
You could just drink and watch the girls dancing, then feel guilt and drunkenly go home, like I do...
I get down and fidgety at times. It was really bad in January. I decided I needed to find something that *I* wanted to do independent of anyone else, so I started a book club with a group of women who live near me. It's not a queer thing, but it gives me a social outlet. I read *a lot* some queer some not, and I try to exercise when I can fit it in. I'm trying to incorporate more queer friendly things in my everyday life. We are watching Grace and Frankie, which is kind of hard to watch together given our circumstances, but it's really good. I'm listening to Dan Savage's podcast. I talk to my kids about queer/feminist issues (age appropriately of course). I wear my rainbow mommy bracelet. I smile at cute women. I live my life and try to remember to count the blessings I have.
Sigh. I'd have to lie my ass off to even GO to a gay bar. So it's not worth it right now for me. But the thought crossed my mind!
Jesus you women are wicked! "I'm kidding!" Zen fix yelped as he ducked multiple simultaneous slaps. But yes I can relate to much of the sentiment in this thread. Not many good alternative ways to explore or discover this other side of my sexuality.
Hey, I said I wasn't gonna. :tears: And Rach is in an open marriage. But, yeah, feeling trapped starts making you crazy. You contemplate things you never would have otherwise. TBH being bi is :***: pain in my ass. I mean yeah it's godly and magnificent and amazing and fascinating but also a fucking nuisance. Heh.
With the day I'm having, it's a damn good thing there are no gay bars near me. I need to do something stupid.
I really like your approach and your zen sbout everything. I'm trying to wrestle with wll of these feelings and logistics so I csn figure out how to get to such a content place.
I went to a gay bar Sunday. There were not many people, it was the middle of the afternoon. I am not a drinker so I sat at the bar and ordered a lemonade. I heard the bartender after a while bemoaning her ex-girlfriend's behavior to a couple of gals. Anyway... it wasn't The L Word. I asked the lady bartender about how the crowd is, are there ever women about, etc. She said it varies but happy hour is busier. And they have a thing on Tuesdays called "bingo poker" which seems a fun and easy game and an excuse to show up. I may or may not go tonight. Oh, and after my trip to the bar, I went by a secondhand store and got a couple of fine used boy plaid shirts. I plan on wearing one (with matching tee underneath) if/when I go. I know, what can it hurt? My fear is, I may meet some woman who develops an immediate attraction to me and stalks me. I know that lesbian relationships go from 0 to 60 in two seconds flat and I don't want a relationship right now. Maybe I will wait and just go to my work event Thursday, that is probably MUCH safer. And maybe I can find someone there to go to the bar with me and keep me safe from stalkers. Sorry, I just felt I needed to put a bit of humor in all that's going on. I know, I know, you all want me to go to the bar so I can tell you how it was. We'll see. :icon_bigg
Can you make a list of everything you'd like to see in a "queer" life and everything you like about your life now? Where possible, keep gender of partner out of it. Maybe you can find things that are either similar or possible in your current life.
