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advice needed

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by caiteee, Sep 4, 2015.

  1. caiteee

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    So an ex girlfriend of mine tried to commit suicide recently for the second time. We are friends now, but parents don't let me see her because they they found out that I dated her, and they don't want me to be like that. She now has a new gf who she lives with but said gf doesn' seem to be taking it seriously. She snap chatted pics of them in the emergency room, saying "another trip to the emergency room, fun!" I know someone who has tried to talk to her, but she thinks that since she survived everything is algood which is so far from the truth. I really don't know what to do but I am really worried. Any advice would be fab
     
  2. Blue787Bunny

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    It is very hard to say as to what you can really do because you are basically out of her life. Well you can try to reach out through common friends or if you still have contact through social media, text messaging, phone or via other means that would also be great. Talk to her, make sure she know you are still there for her even if the relationship had already ended. There are a lot of reasons why a person might commit suicide, I had discussed some of the reasons I had mentioned here--- http://emptyclosets.com/forum/general-support-advice/190646-bff-attempted-suicide%3B-im-still-scared.html. Without any information as to her thoughts or the matters surrounding the suicide act. I cannot quantify any of these reasons, sadly. However she makes light of what had happened there can be an even more ominous reason as to why a person would commit or attempt suicide. Sometimes although I am not insinuating this is her case some people would commit or attempt suicide as an act of seeking attention, affection, or as a means of manipulation. This may mean or is not limited to seeking an emotional validation from her parents or current girlfriend. Bending others to her will via means of threat or fear. Its hard to say really without knowing further information aside from what you had mentioned that she has attempted suicide in the past, and that she thinks she's all good already, allowing her girlfriend to take pictures and treat it as another opportunity to post "status pictures" for social media. Sadly before we can help others they need to help themselves, or at the very least recognize that they have a problem.
     
    #2 Blue787Bunny, Sep 4, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2015
  3. Monraffe

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    Sounds like you have some obstacles in you way. Don't let that be a distraction. Your offer to help is between you and her so you need to hear from her if you assistance is wanted or not. I would try and get a few moments alone with her if that's possible or maybe send a message somehow. She may not want your help and you have to respect that but if she wants to talk to you then just be a friend. Let her bring up her depression when she is ready. What she says may not make a lot of sense, the drugs tend to do that, so try and reach her on an emotional level instead of intellectual. She may lash out and insult you but as long as it's not too bad just let that slide. She needs a contact with the outside world so she can get out of her own head for a little while. That's the best thing you can be for her right now.
     
  4. caiteee

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    Thank you guys so much for this. Sorry wasn't very clear in my message but I actually meant that it was her gf snapping pics of it, my friend was just in the hospital bed in the back ground, asleep. I'm really worried that she is in a bad situation because I know one of her parents is bi polar and she has been diagnosed with severe depression and I think her parents were probably keeping an eye on her, but as she is now living with her gf they drink and party a lot, and her gf really seems to be taking it so so lighly and treating it like it's nothing. and I mean no judgement at all but I know that with her meds she isn't meant to be drinking or anything. When I do see her at dance and stuff she seems surface happy, but at the same time you can tell how sad she is. I don't know what to say because I feel like since we barely hang out (cause of m parents but does that really make a difference?) other than dance, or text (parents check my phone records) anything I say won't hold any weight and will seem so insignificant. I just feel so worried and wish I could help, cause I do care and I wish I could show her that.
     
  5. Blue787Bunny

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    There lies the conundrum. You no longer play an active part in her life and worse the one who is currently playing that active role is treating it like some condition you can just walk off. For one in persons with suicidal tendencies or in her case high risk suicidal patients are instituted suicidal precautions. However this is ideally and realistically instituted by the family itself or in her case by her (live-in) girlfriend. This includes withdrawing any rights to handle prescription medications herself, instead this should be dispensed to her as needed. And yes you are right drinking alcohol is counterintuitive with taking Antidepressants. In part because Alcohol in itself is a depressant, in counters the effects of Antidepressants by enhancing the depressant aspect of Major Depressive Disorder or any type of Depression as a matter of fact. In her case wherein she suffers from severe depression, she uses alcohol as a band-aid solution to a problem. Sure initially alcohol improves your mood, It alleviates feelings of depression and anxiety. At best it makes you forget your problems and numbs you of your emotions. However as I said after those effects wear off Alcohol's depressive effects kick-in as it enhances feelings of depression, not to mention causing sleep disturbance which plays a big role in Mood Disorders. There is also no guanrantee that she is not taking other substances, including but not limited to Marijuana which in itself can induce Mood Disorders.

    Through your limited relationship her all you can really do is to assure her that you still continue to be there for her. That she can run to you no matter what. You are willing to listen because how and what she feels is just as important to you as it is to her. Sometimes persons suffering from Depression or suicidal ideations are hesitnt to discuss such matters because they believe that they are burdening others with their condition or problems. Reassure her that this is not the case, at best just be available in any case she needs someone to run to. Also in future conversations you may have with her do watch out for warning signs of a possible suicide which I have mentioned in the link I had posted on my above post. As I had mentioned we often feel the need to help others, but the very first step is that they should be willing to help themselves.

    I hope you get to reach her in any case. (*hug*)
     
  6. PatrickUK

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    It's very hard to do anything when you have little personal contact, but you could provide her with details of organisations that may be able to help. Obviously, she will have to decide to make contact herself, but if you provide the information she may well consider it. Some organisations are pro-active though and will make contact with your ex, if you explain to them why you are concerned about her safety. The following list of organisations in NZ may be helpful: Helplines and support services | MHF Suicide Prevention - New Zealand
     
  7. caiteee

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    Yeah she does do weed, but I really hope nothing else. Her gf is bi polar and is obviously on medication as well and neither one is particularly great at the moment, but yeah I will let her know i'm there, see how that goes. Baby steps I guess :/ Blue787Bunny you should seriously be a psychologist, you're amazing! you seemed to instinctively understand details I hadn't even told you, really really appreciate your insight :slight_smile: PatrickUK thanks so much for the link, will check it out and see if I can find a way to bring it up.