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Is this a bad reason to date people?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Sepulse, Nov 22, 2014.

  1. Sepulse

    Sepulse Guest

    I'm obsessed with my sexual orientation. I hope that I'm gay, but I have intrusive thoughts about being another sexuality. I want to date some girls and see if that will finally get rid of this obsession.

    I mentioned this on another forum, but a few people thought this was a bad idea. Mainly because they think I'm being deceptive. I'm not planning to pursue any serious relationships at the moment. I just want to date a bit.

    I've had many other obsessions before. The only way I could get rid of them was to "release them". The only thing I can think of is coming out or dating. I think dating is the better option because I don't know what to come out as.
     
  2. I am Kakashi

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    At first glance, this sounds like HOCD, although in reverse. If it is something you are obsessing over, and causing intrusive thoughts and anxiety, I would seek out a professional before deciding to date women.

    I understand the reasoning. It's something you're constantly thinking about, so if you just do it, it will go away. But any thoughts like that, regardless of what they are regarding, is not healthy. :frowning2:

    And I rarely, if ever, recommend this so harshly, but DO NOT COME OUT. You have had these obsessions and/or compulsions before, and they went away! Coming out, then having to re-come out as something else once you have "released" those feelings sounds like it would be much more confusing and painful in the long run. I would talk to a GLBT-friendly therapist ASAP.
     
  3. Sepulse

    Sepulse Guest

    I really suspect this is HOCD as well. I try not to call it that on non OCD sites because a lot of LGBT people don't understand it. I tried looking for some therapists, but even the "LGBT friendly" ones were completely stupid. I've been going to a therapist since I was ten, but she doesn't specialize in LGBT or OCD issues.

    I did come out as bi when I was younger and I regret it. It made my HOCD way worse. My HOCD also gets worse when I pretend to be straight. I'm planning to release this obsession by dating girls. I made profiles on some dating sites, so I don't really need to come out.
     
  4. jay777

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  5. Sepulse

    Sepulse Guest

    That doesn't really help. I've done stuff like that before, but it had no long lasting effects. Whenever I get remotely anxious or sick my sexuality obsession comes back. I want a more permanent solution.
     
  6. Albion

    Regular Member

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    I think I understand a bit of what you're going through. Just a bit.
    Just today, I walked into the art room after lunch and there was just this one girl in there that talked to me sometimes and I got all jittery wondering if she thought I was gay because I only hang out with one other girl all the time and the girl in the art room had probably heard me squealing because my friend had been getting really touchy feely outside and I hoped the girl in the art room thought I was attractive and might want to date me or think about me that way maybe...
    Then I ran out the art room X-D
    Anyways, I think you should take I Am Kakashi's advice. Don't date people just to satistify your own burning curosity because you might hurt others if your feeling aren't sincere. Talk to some one and calm down before you make any moves.
    Heck, that's the reason I'm not dating, I'm waaaay too confused lolz
    A permanent solution? that's tricky...
    Could you possibily just get your mind off the romance thing altogether? Being around friends and family usually takes my mind right off the subject, or getting really into my langauge studies or piano playing...
    but, if that sounds stupid, I guess the therapist is the best option, though I don't know how helpful they are personally since I've never gone to one.
     
  7. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    I think it is pretty normal to date to figure out what kind of people we're attracted to. think about it, heterosexual people date a variety of people (of the opposite sex) just to figure out who they are compatible with, what kind of people, personalities, physical types, etc. I can't see why it would be any different for you to date women or anybody else to figure things out. If you go out with a lesbian and it is totally electric, well, that might be part of your answer. or if in the middle of a deep, soulful kiss you feel grossed out (as I would with a WOMAN LOL!), then you would know that's not for you.