Hi all! I'm a new member here, and i'd like to get some input on my case. I'm a 32-year-old guy, more gay, i'd say, regarding arousal/the sex part. I tend to enjoy looking at both a good-looking man and woman, but more interested in getting laid with the former (with a male). I have never had a real relationship with a male or female With the opposite sex, i'm less experienced -2 hookups with complete strangers, which turned out to be unsuccessful, with me not being able to get it up -without them giving me head first - maybe also due to lack of attraction on my part. The 3rd female - 8 months ago was when we started to date - aroused me, once we went into cuddling. Unfortunately, we split before having real sex. It seems that i don't get aroused by a female just by looking at her on the street --though i may find her attractive --unless i sit with her to be intimate. The hitch is that i am a bit shy with girls, and primarily i need to get to know her and feel comfortable before i get into physical/sexual stuff. With a male, arousal is easier but i am convinced now that i couldn't have a relationship with them, other than casual encounters. Though i lust after good-looking/fit males --this lust also because I envy their looks-- I just seek sex in them --usually giving/receiving head. Also, i watch a lot of straight, bi, and gay porn. What should i do because i often feel like breaking down due to this lifestyle, with a lot of porn, casual sex with males, and FEAR of approaching women. (I should point out here that i feel a bit inferior to both sexes, due to low self-esteem, though i'm an above average-looking guy with a great career. Wierd, right? ) Thanks a lot
Welcome here! I think you'll find this a really welcoming and helpful community! Before I give you any of my thoughts, I'm wondering what makes you convinced that you couldn't have a relationship with a male?
I would talk this all through with a therapist... meaning sorting out my feelings, what I want from a relationship, and what might be some inner hindrances... you might for example ask a lgbt center for a referral to therapists aquainted with lgbt issues... on the self esteem note, if you are friendly, treat other people nice while stating your legitimate and proper needs it should be ok... communication is the key... I'd say get to know each other, build a relationship first... see what you have in common... different from porn culture...
Thanks for the reply. The point is that I don't feel fulfilled emotionaly/romantically with a male though though I like them physically/sexually (if they're good-looking, fit, and tall). Plus, I'm into creating a proper traditional family. ---------- Post added 24th Oct 2014 at 09:29 AM ---------- Thanks for the input. The problem is that I come from a traditional society , and it's hard to find such atherapist. People here are not really accepting of gayness or bisexuality, especially when it comes to finding an open minded woman in this regard.
Have you considered the possibility of finding a therapist online who could could do skype/facetime/ect. therapy with you? That might be a viable option. Honestly, talking to someone who has experience and education can give one so much clarity along with the tools to manage one's issues.
