Should I date a guy with HIV?

It's probably none of my business, but did you have sex with him before he told you? If so, I highly suggest that you get tested for HIV.

 

That depends on how much you care for him. Nowadays there are good prevention drugs that make it hard for you to get infected. Would you love him enough to finance PrEP and deal with his emotional and physical troubles that come with being infected? Remember to use PrEP in combination with a condom ALWAYS have the safest sex possible with someone especially if he/she is infected with HIV.

It's a risk you're taking, but if it's real love then why not.

I would personally never date someone with HIV idk it just scares me too much.

 

Only you can decide if you should continue the relationship, but I personally would not break it off. Telling you that he is HIV+ would have been a huge thing for him and I think it demonstrates how credible he is as a person that he has done just that. It also suggests a level of commitment to a future relationship with you.

The only thing that should make you run for the hills is if he has already done anything to expose you to the virus before telling you, eg. unprotected sex. That would be unforgivable.

It is entirely possible for a person who is HIV+ to enjoy a good and committed relationship with someone who is HIV-, subject to important considerations.

Take a look at this page from NAM (a UK website) for more information. It's written with the HIV+ person in mind, but the information is reliable and worth reading. Obviously the contact details will not be relevant to your country, but I'm sure you will have good support systems and processes in place in NZ if you want to take the relationship forward.

HIV & AIDS Information :: Living with HIV - Having a relationship with an HIV-negative partner

 

Big warning, right there.

Relationships are based on trust. Can you trust him?

 

Not an auspicious start, to say the least....

This is, however, a separate issue from the actual risk.

IF he is on his meds and respects the regimen of taking them as prescribed at all times, IF his viral load is undetectable, and IF you are using condoms, always, the risk to the uninfected partner is very low.

 

While only you can make the decision to date someone that is HIV+ I'm going to say something about the other part...

He knew he was HIV+ and yet allowed sexual contact to take place before telling you AND was willing and wanting to have sex with you without using a condom, intentionally exposing you to HIV.

Dude, run for the hills.

 

According to what you've described, he didn't volunteer this information. You discovered it and he was forced to admit to it. If that wasn't deal-breaking enough, the fact that he attempted to have intercourse with you without protection is beyond unacceptable. In fact, it is actually illegal in several countries.

Should most people be open to entering relationships with HIV+ individuals who are consistent with their medication, aware of the risks, and thoughtful of the safety of others? Absolutely. Would I recommend dating this individual specific? Absolutely not. He has shown none of those qualities. Not to mention, if he has to be convinced to practice simple safe sex, then how are you supposed to be certain that he is strictly following his medication regime. It is not worth the risk.

 

Agreed. That shows a lack of respect and concern for your health, which is something that I think should always be in any kind of relationship.

 

I agree with this! He put you at risk without being upfront about his status before you guys were together sexually.

 

In light of the extra information you provided Ashanti, I can only stand by the comments I made in the second paragraph of my earlier posting.

If you decide to walk away it will not be because he is HIV+, but because he knowingly exposed you to the risk of HIV.

I'm pleased you are getting tested and I hope you are okay

 

I personally wouldn't be with someone who has HIV. It disgusts me. I would never date a person with a contagious disease. I wouldn't be able to do anything sexual at all, and would be afraid even to kiss them.


But hey, if you like the guy enough... Just be safe...

 

Wow. I can't believe he treated you that way. . I hope the tests come back negative. My vote is for not being involved with him.

 

Excellent. Well done for biting the bullet and getting tested.

If you do tell this guy to piss off (which I'd definitely recommend), i'd be sure to tell him it was the trust issue, rather than his HIV status. You can't trust someone who lies about something as important as that. There should be no shame in having HIV. There should definitely be shame about having HIV and then having anything resembling penetrative, unprotected sex with someone without full disclosure.

Don't let him try to rationalise what he did.