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Death

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by artist92, Sep 1, 2014.

  1. Young Blood

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    You just have to keep at it. At least you have us, and like I've said numerous times, you can talk to me whenever and about whatever. You want to rant or talk about being transgendered I am always, always here for you sweetheart. You are not alone. You're parents are just being dickheads like the step rental that I have.
     
  2. Holly82

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    what does that mean, you work 24-7 but get nothing.

    Something that I've been trying to do in this conversation is to pull you out of the rafters. You use these very broad terms that really don't mean anything and dodge talking about specifics. Talking about specifics is how you begin to make things better. So, specifically, what do you do for money, how much do you get?
     
  3. artist92

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    I film for a high school football team, sell paintings, teach art lessons, pressure wash and cut lawns, and make videos just trying to sell them. But nothing works. I get an average of 50$ a month. But I cant go back to a job because I'll just wind up dead. I always brought a piece of glass to work, because I wanted to stab myself in the throat and nearly did it every day.
     
  4. Holly82

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    Right, so you never answered my question as to what about working for someone else was so bad. Care to be specific? (not so say that you're wrong, but we need to be specific if we're going to figure out what to do next) :slight_smile:
     
  5. Young Blood

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    Well that's probably why you weren't getting very much. None of those are very stable jobs. Nor do they pay very well.

    I'm gonna go back again to this question...what kinds of stuff do you like? Besides art :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  6. artist92

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    Doing the same thing every day, minimal pay for a job I hate, horrible hours, horrible customers, standing doing either nothing or too much no in-betweens. I want to be specific, but I cant describe it, its just hell. Just like all of life.

    ---------- Post added 2nd Sep 2014 at 12:51 AM ----------

    I have no interests. I hate everything really.
     
  7. Holly82

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    Do you accept that if you were to work at a steady paying job, and work hard, that you could make enough money to get out on your own? Forget about how you feel about working a steady job. Just the fact that if you made enough money, you could get out from under your parents. Isn't that correct?
     
  8. Young Blood

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    Well everyone hates that at some point in their lives, but you won't be doing it for your entire life. It's only now while you're getting your life together.

    And I'm sure that's not true. I bet you have loads of interests.
     
  9. artist92

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    I worked at a job saving up for 5 years. It doesn't work because unless I stay at that job, the money will stop. I really have no interests. My only interest is to die
     
  10. Young Blood

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    Well that's generally what happens with jobs, yes :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: At least your parents don't take your money, like mine does. Or at least I hope they don't.

    So you don't like art? Music? Movies? Reading? Being outside? Kids? Animals? What did you go to school for, if you went?
     
  11. Holly82

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    So you worked at a job from the age of 17 to 22. What didn't work? Where did your savings go? Are you currently in school?

    ---------- Post added 2nd Sep 2014 at 12:15 AM ----------

    Also, this isn't true. I know because you're here talking with Young Blood and me :slight_smile: which is very awesome.
     
  12. Young Blood

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    Thought you might like to take a look at this song if you'd like. It's Bulletproof by My Chemical Romance. This song and this band, along with others, have gotten through some pretty tough times. Thought you'd might like to take a listen :slight_smile:
     
  13. asdfghjk

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    The money you saved up from working, WHERE DID IT GO? That should be a LOT of money. What happened to it if you lived with your folk and presumably ate under them too.

    Listen, work sucks. It does. For everyone. And I still wasnt able to handle it either without brain pills. Now I can! Wow! It still sucks but is cometely doable now! Cash money!!! You need psychologist and psychiatrist! There are affordable ones! You may pass under your parents insurance!

    You are valuable, dont argue this. You wont win. You dont have to accept it right now but you are. Dont lose things of value. You are worth more effort, you have all the time in the world later to die if you still feel like it in thirty or forty yeara.

    ---------- Post added 1st Sep 2014 at 09:28 PM ----------

    Hey do you like dogs, op? Can you handle some hours of physical work? Sometimes briefly with, others without customers at all??! Apply to a dog boarding kennel! No customers. No sales. No monotany. No standing in one spot just staring at stuff. Usually movement, sometimes action, sometimes slow and steady. Reward in making dogs happy. Dogs make your brain happy! Get the brain pills, and apply for dog kennels!!! Good hours for PT! More hours for FT if you end up liking that CASH MONEY to progress to further happiness and goals!
     
  14. Damien

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    I say this sincerely, I'm not joking: if I felt that this life was no longer worth living, I would join a Buddhist monastery, meditate for the rest of my life, and thus I would essentially be 'dead' to this world, but actually be doing something very wholesome and conducive to my future happiness (in the next existence) while I was at it. Plus meditation calms the mind and brings happiness and peace in the here-and-now, too.

    But if this isn't your cup of tea, then really artist I have said it before, you need to have a good counsellor to talk to about this. You have so much potential to live a full and rich life, I know you can't see it right now, but I and others can. Please get some professional help with the feelings you are having. I and others can only say this, but you need to actually do it.

    I will once again go totally against your current self-view and say that you are a beautiful human being going through an extraordinarily difficult time, but that you can make it though, but get some help, ok?

    Damien. (*hug*)
     
  15. PatrickUK

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    Artist, if I could suggest one thing, it would be that you re-visit the threads you have created on this forum and read your own comments again and our responses. Don't do it quickly, really take time to consider every word so you don't miss any detail.

    You have acknowledged that your mood is not stable. Yesterday you replied to me on a different thread and conceded that you don't want to kill yourself, only to come here a few hours later and tell us that you now do want to kill yourself. I'm not saying that to be challenging or horrible, just to make you realise that your mood is swinging wildly from one position to another in the same 24 hours. Under these circumstances, is it a good idea to make a decision that will be permanent?

    I do not question the reality of your feelings. I do not question that life is incredibly hard for you and I certainly won't insult you by saying I know how you feel. Nobody can truly understand the depths of despair that are unique to your situation, but, you are not alone with this. We are here for you (as I said and you again acknowledged yesterday).

    Please read those threads again and see how your position has shifted back and forth, but also really take time to consider all the love and support we have shown you. Now is the time for reflection and perspective, rather than action Artist.

    Take time and don't isolate yourself. Stay connected.
     
  16. dd1

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    So here's the thing, some cold hard truth, suicide is selfish, you may think it will solve your problems and maybe it does but you just pass those to someone else. Your family will suffer massively whatever you feel they think of you, blood runs thicker then water and they care deep down. And then there is all the other people you involve, and trust me on this one, I know, I'm dealing with the aftermath of someone else's decsions, someone had to find you, that's something tht will then affect them and stay with then forever, I didn't ask for that but I suffer because of it. The police the paramedics, it's their job perhaps but their time could be better used. And your friends, everyone who knows you. Maybe you don't think it now but this affects soo many people so if you don't have it in you be optimistic for the future for you, and things always get better. Think of that random stranger on a walk, who will always remember that afternoon who will always be effected by someone else's decisions but can never get any answers to their questions. Food for thought and things always get better
     
  17. SeaSalt

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    DONT!!!!!!!!!! Your stupid family might not care what happens to you be we sure as hell do! We are your real family and we would be devastated to lose you!!!!!

    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ---------- Post added 2nd Sep 2014 at 12:29 PM ----------

    As Linco said look at the replies to your previous threads, look at how desperately everyone here is to stop you from doing this.

    You are still young and you have so much living left to do, Imagine how great the rest of your life will look next to the shit youre in right now. These could all be stories you tell your dream partner or your children if thats what you want. No one has the right to make you feel bad about yourself, Yes America has those stupid freedom of speech laws and the religeous persecution garbage but We dont have that shit in the UK, Move here!
     
  18. PatrickUK

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    Artist, just a reminder of two numbers posted by RainbowMan on your other thread:

    Call the Trevor Lifeline (866-488-7386) or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800-273-8355) before anything happens, OK?

    If your home circumstances prevent you from making telephone communication, here's an alternative, using the written word (e-mail): [email protected]

    Just remember, e-mail isn't immediate, so if you are in a really deep and immediate crisis the telephone numbers will be the best option (leave the house and use a different phone if necessary). Either way, don't keep those desperate feelings bottled up.. and keep talking to us too.
     
  19. Jim1454

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    Artist92, I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling the way that you are. I know how horrible a place it is when you want to end your own life - when you don't think you have anything to live for. I've been there myself - and just recently. That's despite having a loving husband, 2 beautiful daughters, a well paying job, etc. And do you want to know why that can happen - even to someone in my position? Depression. Chemical imbalances in your brain that don't allow you to feel the way most people feel.

    Are you taking any medication for depression? It sounds like you should be. Would this be something that your parents would support? Seeing a psychiatrist about getting on the right medication to address your depression? It could be something that you've been suffering from for years, and if you've never addressed it then that is what is holding you back. Life is challenging enough for transgender people like you - never mind adding depression on top of that.

    You live in Georgia. Hardly known for it's progressive stance of LGBT issues. But I understand that Atlanta is fairly gay friendly. Have you looked for resources there?

    And I don't think anyone else has asked the question - are there any other relatives that you could stay with? Grandparents? A cousin? An aunt or uncle? A family friend? Anywhere in the country? The situation you're living in sounds horrible - and you'll never overcome your mental health issues if you don't remove yourself - or get your parents to at least support you seeing a psychiatrist to get you properly medicated.

    I know it seems impossible. I know it seems pointless. I know it feels much easier to just end it all than to keep trying. But with the right medication and support, you might be only 4 weeks away from feeling like a totally different person. A person who wouldn't even consider taking their own life. That's where I've managed to get - and it's such a relief. I wish that for you too. It IS possible.

    Write back - or send me a PM if you want to talk one on one.
     
  20. artist92

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    Well, another awful night. I couldn't find any rope to hang myself with. I don't know how to go on. Everything I do isn't allowed, and a job will only be a slower more painful suicide. My mind is in a million different directions and breathing is a chore. And if I live to tomorrow, I have to go back to my psychologist to just hear how bad it is and wrong that I want to be a woman. Life is the worst thing that ever could have happened to me.