Just some days I feel this way. The only time I had trouble with my sexuality is when I first discovered that I was gay but I was able to eventually accept myself. When people ask me about him I tell him that I have such an amazing boyfriend and that I love him more then anything (and I do) but recently we have been talking a lot about the future and what the future holds for us and I just don't know. Like yea I have considered if the relationship goes well we could get married and start a family like we always talked about but randomly I just get this feeling like I wish I wasn't gay. Probably cause all this thinking about the future is hard for me. Mostly cause I would hate to be married and have kids and have them get bullied or hated for having two dads. I would hate to be in public and have people tell me this is just wrong or say something hateful to us. When someone says something anti gay in public it just makes me sad and uncomfortable cause of the hate that exists to gay people in this world. Sometimes I just wish I wasn't gay then I wouldn't have to deal with the discrimination and problems that we deal with as a gay people. I have never really had this problem until recently. Need some advice. What do I do to not make myself think like this? I need someway to make myself comfortable with myself again :icon_sad:
I could be wrong here, but I don't think that's your problem. Consider this, if you WEREN'T gay, would you suddenly think homophobic society was actually completely fine? I'm guessing you probably wouldn't. You've listed a whole bunch of reasons why society makes being gay hard work, and it does let's be honest. Now I think these things often, but my conclusion is always "I wish society wasn't so trans/homophobic" rather than wishing that I wasn't trans and pan. I think that because even if it wasn't happening to me, I still don't like it. Which leads me to the second part. Probably cause all this thinking about the future is hard for me. I'm wondering how much the idea of what could become a VERY serious relationship is getting to you. I know for a fact an awful lot of straight couples start getting serious and then someone panics for whatever reason (it happens to the best of us!) and starts looking for reasons to end it. It just appears to me, and as I said I could be completely wrong, that your brain is trying to make you think about not being gay to avoid the serious relationship...
