Empty Closets Coming Out Resources and a Safe Place to Chat
Welcome Forum Chat Room Resources News Members

Go Back   Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people coming out > Support Area > Coming Out Advice

Coming Out Advice A supportive place to ask for and give advice about coming out. Includes a sub-forum for posting stories about your coming out experiences.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 2nd Dec 2008, 11:57 AM   #1
Liebe ist fr alle da
Full Member
 
funkmonk's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Out to family & friends.
Location: Aberdeen Scotland
Age: 30
Posts: 156
Join Date: Oct 2008


Default My best friend hates me

Well he used to be my best friend.

I have known this friend for about 20 years starting in pre school we like the same thngs music,tv shows and sports.

Last few years hes changed a bit become selfish and less careing. Hes had a long term girl friend who i get along with great and shes now my best friend and if u read my coming out story shes the one i first came out too.

I never thought of him as homophobic but even though he told his g/f that he was ok with me being gay he dose now seem really homophobic it seems to me that he dose hate it.

I think he hates me and am haveing a hard time dealing with it. He makes me feel like shit sometimes and sometimes makes me wish i had never came out and friends shouldnt be doing that.
funkmonk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd Dec 2008, 12:12 PM   #2
EC Addict
Full Member
 
Trystan's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Kinsey 4.7ish
Out Status: Anyone who asks ;D
Location: Southampton, UK
Age: 23
Posts: 528
Join Date: Jul 2008


Default Re: My best friend hates me

awww that's horrible
i really want to help or try and say somethign remotely helpful, but I can't think of anything :S
so I'll just say, hang in there, wait a bit and just watch his behaviour. Maybe talk to his gf about it? He might have a problem with something else - there could be any amount of weird circumstances, so don't jump to any conclusions.
anyway, after that long of steady friendship, would he really hate you? If my best friend turned out to be some crazy alien from a planet millions of light-years away and did weird sexual things with anything, I couldn't care,. They'd still be my friend because of whho they actually are inside.
Also how long ago did you come out to him? It might have only just properly hit him. Not in a bad way, it might jsut take him a bit longer to get over the thought [shock] of it.

hope that helped a bit and/or didn't just make you feel worse :S
__________________
I'm gay.
Damn, now you know.
Whatcha gonna do? Stereotype me?
Trystan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd Dec 2008, 12:16 PM   #3
Member
Full Member
 
boredofnormal's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Couldn't be any 'out-er' if I tried
Location: Yuba City, CA
Age: 49
Posts: 97
Join Date: Oct 2008


Default Re: My best friend hates me

You are right, friends shouldn't be doing that.

Sometimes people lash out irrationally to cover up their own issues. I had a time like that when I was extremely homophobic (its really embarrasing now to even admit that) because I couldn't admit to myself that I had same-sex attractions and my circle of friends were dead-set against anything remotely related to 'gay'. I played along for acceptance from my peers and to hide what I was going through inside.

If you can stay open to him and demonstrate to him that you haven't changed, still like the same things, and forgive him for his bad attitude he may come around. I've said before, that when we come out we have to grieve the loss of the identity we had before we admitted it to ourselves. He is probably grieving and deserves time to allow it to process.

With that said, I want to add: Don't put yourself in a position where you will be constantly hurt by him either. Give him some space but don't totally avoid him. Let him know that you still value him as a person and hope that you can maintain your friendship.

Good luck, keep us posted.
Tim
boredofnormal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd Dec 2008, 12:19 PM   #4
Liebe ist fr alle da
Full Member
Threadstarter
 
funkmonk's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Out to family & friends.
Location: Aberdeen Scotland
Age: 30
Posts: 156
Join Date: Oct 2008


Default Re: My best friend hates me

Thanks for the reply.

My friend found out i was gay last year so hes had time to deal with it. He just dosent seem to care he says some cocky comment about me being gay. He really moans if we are out and we go to a gay bar and his g.f who really supports me she says we are going for my sake but he dosent care.
funkmonk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd Dec 2008, 12:24 PM   #5
Member
Full Member
 
boredofnormal's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Couldn't be any 'out-er' if I tried
Location: Yuba City, CA
Age: 49
Posts: 97
Join Date: Oct 2008


Default Re: My best friend hates me

Find other folks to go to gay events with and enjoy your friend for what you do have in common (like you used too...before you came out). My straight friends are not comfortable with me in all-gay activities, so I don't see that as unusual.

Its OK to have different friends who like different things. If you can enjoy the best of all of them your life is just that much richer.
boredofnormal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd Dec 2008, 12:30 PM   #6
EC Addict
Full Member
 
Trystan's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Kinsey 4.7ish
Out Status: Anyone who asks ;D
Location: Southampton, UK
Age: 23
Posts: 528
Join Date: Jul 2008


Default Re: My best friend hates me

hmm that's pretty harsh i guess
he might not realise how different life can become when you discover you're gay, and might not like the idea of being surrounded by people different to him? Lots of people are like this; they can cope with one or two of their close friends being outside of their "comfort zone", but when everyone in sight's like it it might weird him out.
To be fair, I'd be pretty uncomfortable going to some kind of club only full of straight couples :S

I''m sure deep down, he does care. Like boredofnormal said, he's using arrogance and anger and spite to cover up whatever else he might be feeling. Perhaps he feels you are getting too close to his gf/closer to her than him? Perhaps there's problems at work or in his family or anywhere else. These could all trigger weird emotions and comments towards you - because you're different. Not that he sees you're different and thinks, "I could use him to outlet all my anger and frustration", but just because. You're a break in the norm to how his world is built, and he thinks he's found the weak spot. Well, don't let that happpen. If it goes on, challenge it. Probably better if you do it with his gf there.

This is only speculation, and I'm not saying he's purposely picking on you, or that your orientation's a problem. Hell, I'm like it, we're alll like it! I'm just offering possibilites for you to think about ...

that was ramble number 78 I think. Hope it meant something
__________________
I'm gay.
Damn, now you know.
Whatcha gonna do? Stereotype me?
Trystan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2nd Dec 2008, 12:43 PM   #7
MOS KONIG
Guest
 
Posts: n/a

Tournaments Won: 62

Default Re: My best friend hates me

Same situation here. Just more hatefull.
  Reply With Quote
Old 2nd Dec 2008, 01:00 PM   #8
Liebe ist fr alle da
Full Member
Threadstarter
 
funkmonk's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Out to family & friends.
Location: Aberdeen Scotland
Age: 30
Posts: 156
Join Date: Oct 2008


Default Re: My best friend hates me

Thanks for the replys x
funkmonk is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Seeking help to help a friend with a confusing experience with his best friend keimkoiki Coming Out Advice 13 12th Sep 2014 02:45 AM
My friend came out to me O___O Zūn Jng Coming Out Stories 13 20th Apr 2013 12:01 AM
I just found out my friend has been talking about me :( Anonymous Anonymous Discussions 2 16th Oct 2008 01:29 PM
Can you have more than one best friend? Owen Chit Chat 18 6th Jan 2008 04:50 PM
Should I Tell Him? SadConfusedBandGeek Chit Chat 11 29th Jun 2007 01:11 PM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:38 PM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0
Copyright (c) 2004-2014, Empty Closets Community Services
the Empty Closets name and logo are registered trademarks of Empty Closets Community Services

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21