I didn't do it. :'( - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

goratrix · 17th Apr 2005, 07:59 PM

Well. I didn't have the guts.

The time was perfect, we were alone, I knew we would be alone for at least half an hour. I had made the decission of telling him a week before. But when I was there I just froze. I couldn't speak. I made up a cheap excuse and went away. I missed a great chance.

I am talking, of course, of this friend, person 3 you might call him. I was comming out to him today, and I didn't.

Sorry if I abuse of this, and make it into a kind of blog.. but stilll I need to get this out.

:'(

hawkeye · 17th Apr 2005, 08:08 PM

Dont chew yourself out over the deal. I made the same mistake the first time I had planned on telling someone. (story told in my coming out post) Another chance will come around.

Micah · 18th Apr 2005, 01:09 AM

I did the same thing with a friend saturday night. took her out to the movies, and then just didnt end up telling her. Dont sweat it, if its not the right time, then it's not the right time. Easy as that. As for the blog reference, I sure dont mind reading what you have to write, and thats pretty much what this site is for, so write away

Paul_UK · 18th Apr 2005, 11:38 AM

As dave and hawkeye said, don't worry about it. You'll get another chance.

It took me three goes to come out to a couple of people. Sometimes, although the circumstances are right with regard to being alone and undisturbed together, the mood just isn't right and the conversation is such that you don't really get an opportunity.

Maybe next time!

Paul.

badness1002 · 19th Apr 2005, 06:44 PM

haha - no big deal. with those people whom i couldnt blatantly come out to, i told them just to guess something that i would tell them that is a big deal. eventually they got it, but how goofy is that? so dont be so hard on yourself, everyone's gotta have something to laugh at in the future.

goratrix · 19th Apr 2005, 10:38 PM

Oh... well. I won't do that... caus probably they will just ignore me and move on to something a bit more interesting. Still, thanks for the sotry, and welcome to the board.

popboy · 20th Apr 2005, 09:07 PM

I wonder if the perfect chance to tell really exist. If so I think I have missed mine!

Last Friday I had the chance of "telling" my best (girl) friend. I visited her because she needed someone to talk to. We were having an unusual deep conversation about life, work, future... and I thought my time had come when the "marriage and children" issue came up. Then I thought I would be too selfish to start talking about me when she was the one who was desperate to share his feelings, so I uttered a few ambiguous words she didn't pick up and we both moved on to another subject.
I'm not exactly a talkative person when it comes the time of sharing my feelings. I just wouldn't feel comfortable to bring my "issue" up out of nothing, though postponing this indefinitely is certainly not a good prospect. I'll be waiting for the next chance!

goratrix · 21st Apr 2005, 02:56 PM

I say make your own chance. So, last night I was driving her home. She's the third/fourth person I wanted to tell. Her and her bf are both great friends of mine. This post started actually because I didn't tell them.

Oh, well. I am extremely tired, I had a really hard week. And I was practicing tkd (she is a purple belt as well) and in the middle of the class I decided to tell her that night. I was not able to focus on the class, my mind was wandering through a lot of stuff that happened to me this week anyway.

So, I drove her home, and I didn't find a chance to start the conversation. So, when we arrived she was about to shut the car's door and I just called her.

me: hey!
her: *opens the door* yeah?
me: *deep breath* I'm gay
her: *awkward look* is this like a confessional thing or is it a joke?
me: more like a confessional
her: are you happy?
me: yes.

Oh well... she had to leave, but she told me that nothing changed... we are still friends, she'll still tease me with the same things she did, and I will still drive her forth and back from tkd.

Later she called me and told me that she woulnd't tell anyone, and that she loved me. It felt great. And I now know she'll be supportive with me when I tell her BF. I don't want to rush it... but I don't know how long I can hold it inside.

Anyway... sorry for the extended version of the advice: if not the best time, you can always just bring it up. In a friendship you are supposed to share, for good and bad. You are as much a support for your friends as they are for you... if you can't trust them enough to tell them... then how can you expect them to trust you?

I mean... it's not like I'm going to get all my friends on a room and shout: I'm gay!!!... the timming is very important, and also it's important the way you tell them.

But they all stood by me in many bad times in my life, as I did in many bad times in theirs. So they've earned my trust, and I owe it to them...

17th Apr 2005, 07:59 PM	#1
goratrix EC Addict Full Member Age: 25 Posts: 570 Join Date: Apr 2005	I didn't do it. :'( Well. I didn't have the guts. The time was perfect, we were alone, I knew we would be alone for at least half an hour. I had made the decission of telling him a week before. But when I was there I just froze. I couldn't speak. I made up a cheap excuse and went away. I missed a great chance. I am talking, of course, of this friend, person 3 you might call him. I was comming out to him today, and I didn't. Sorry if I abuse of this, and make it into a kind of blog.. but stilll I need to get this out. :'( __________________ Cicciux Back from beyond. A different dog.

17th Apr 2005, 08:08 PM	#2
hawkeye EC Addict Regular Member Location: Wisconsin Age: 23 Posts: 278 Join Date: Mar 2005	Dont chew yourself out over the deal. I made the same mistake the first time I had planned on telling someone. (story told in my coming out post) Another chance will come around. __________________ "I am what I am, and that is all that I am" Popeye

18th Apr 2005, 01:09 AM	#3
Micah ^_^ Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to All Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 23 Posts: 2,532 Join Date: Feb 2005	I did the same thing with a friend saturday night. took her out to the movies, and then just didnt end up telling her. Dont sweat it, if its not the right time, then it's not the right time. Easy as that. As for the blog reference, I sure dont mind reading what you have to write, and thats pretty much what this site is for, so write away __________________ 　／l、（ﾟ､｡７　l、 ~ヽ　じしf_, )ノ

19th Apr 2005, 10:38 PM	#6
goratrix EC Addict Full Member Age: 25 Posts: 570 Join Date: Apr 2005	Oh... well. I won't do that... caus probably they will just ignore me and move on to something a bit more interesting. Still, thanks for the sotry, and welcome to the board. __________________ Cicciux Back from beyond. A different dog.

21st Apr 2005, 02:56 PM	#8
goratrix EC Addict Full Member Age: 25 Posts: 570 Join Date: Apr 2005	I say make your own chance. So, last night I was driving her home. She's the third/fourth person I wanted to tell. Her and her bf are both great friends of mine. This post started actually because I didn't tell them. Oh, well. I am extremely tired, I had a really hard week. And I was practicing tkd (she is a purple belt as well) and in the middle of the class I decided to tell her that night. I was not able to focus on the class, my mind was wandering through a lot of stuff that happened to me this week anyway. So, I drove her home, and I didn't find a chance to start the conversation. So, when we arrived she was about to shut the car's door and I just called her. me: hey! her: opens the door yeah? me: deep breath I'm gay her: awkward look is this like a confessional thing or is it a joke? me: more like a confessional her: are you happy? me: yes. Oh well... she had to leave, but she told me that nothing changed... we are still friends, she'll still tease me with the same things she did, and I will still drive her forth and back from tkd. Later she called me and told me that she woulnd't tell anyone, and that she loved me. It felt great. And I now know she'll be supportive with me when I tell her BF. I don't want to rush it... but I don't know how long I can hold it inside. Anyway... sorry for the extended version of the advice: if not the best time, you can always just bring it up. In a friendship you are supposed to share, for good and bad. You are as much a support for your friends as they are for you... if you can't trust them enough to tell them... then how can you expect them to trust you? I mean... it's not like I'm going to get all my friends on a room and shout: I'm gay!!!... the timming is very important, and also it's important the way you tell them. But they all stood by me in many bad times in my life, as I did in many bad times in theirs. So they've earned my trust, and I owe it to them... __________________ Cicciux Back from beyond. A different dog.

18th Apr 2005, 11:38 AM	#4
Paul_UK Former Empty Closets Admin Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Bournemouth, UK Age: 47 Posts: 13,130 Join Date: Nov 2004	As dave and hawkeye said, don't worry about it. You'll get another chance. It took me three goes to come out to a couple of people. Sometimes, although the circumstances are right with regard to being alone and undisturbed together, the mood just isn't right and the conversation is such that you don't really get an opportunity. Maybe next time! Paul.

19th Apr 2005, 06:44 PM	#5
badness1002 Newbie Regular Member Location: New Orleans Age: 25 Posts: 2 Join Date: Mar 2005	haha - no big deal. with those people whom i couldnt blatantly come out to, i told them just to guess something that i would tell them that is a big deal. eventually they got it, but how goofy is that? so dont be so hard on yourself, everyone's gotta have something to laugh at in the future.

20th Apr 2005, 09:07 PM	#7
popboy Member Regular Member Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina Posts: 53 Join Date: Apr 2005	I wonder if the perfect chance to tell really exist. If so I think I have missed mine! Last Friday I had the chance of "telling" my best (girl) friend. I visited her because she needed someone to talk to. We were having an unusual deep conversation about life, work, future... and I thought my time had come when the "marriage and children" issue came up. Then I thought I would be too selfish to start talking about me when she was the one who was desperate to share his feelings, so I uttered a few ambiguous words she didn't pick up and we both moved on to another subject. I'm not exactly a talkative person when it comes the time of sharing my feelings. I just wouldn't feel comfortable to bring my "issue" up out of nothing, though postponing this indefinitely is certainly not a good prospect. I'll be waiting for the next chance!