How do you think you became gay.

[hawkeye]

I just took this questionaire at www.qflare.com and one of the questions was:
How do you believe you became Queer?
I'm not Queer.
I was born this way. It's a result of the genes my Parents passed down to me.
I was born this way. It's biological and happened before I was born.
I chose to be queer.
It's a result of the way my parents raised me.
I was convinced to be queer by another person.
I was rejected by someone of the opposite gender.
I was convinced to be queer by something I saw in the media, i.e., on the T.V.

I personaly believe that I became Bi because of chance, or rather, there are so many influences that it is impossible to predict, therefore, by chance, or by choice of God, but either way, impossible to predict.
Why do you think you turned out queer (Gay, lesbian, bi, etc)?

[goratrix]

Oh... well. You might call it fate, karma, universal balance, the second law of thermo-dynamics. Whatever you call it's the same. It's a sum of so many influences that it's imposible to even start to pick the ones that matter and the ones that doesn't.

For instance, when I was very little my father had to move to another country. And i didn't get to spend a lot of time with him... I still love him and now I live with him by choice, but I know that marked me for good. And I believe that it had something to do with me being gay. However he is not to be blamed!!! Life is what it is, and if I'm ok with it, the so should he. That's mainly the reason why I haven't told him yet. I fear he'll think it was his fault... and I don't want that to happen.

Anyway... there were so many other influences in my life that I can't even think of... and those affected me just as much as my father being far.

I spent so many sleepless nights thinking why?! oh god, or whatever created the universe! why ME? WHY?. I finally accepted it and Today I can say: I'm gay, and I have a crush on this guy. So I guess the WHY doesn't really matter any more...

[hawkeye]

Originally Posted by goratrix

I spent so many sleepless nights thinking why?! oh god, or whatever created the universe! why ME? WHY?. I finally accepted it and Today I can say: I'm gay, and I have a crush on this guy. So I guess the WHY doesn't really matter any more...

This line is great, I hope you dont mind me using it eventually

The lottery. Yes, I believe the gift of being gay is given to those in a game of random chance. Though, I wish the Jackpot came with the gift, too!

I caught it from a toilet seat.

[Quasar]

Oh that's easy! When I saw where babies came from!!!

[Micah]

Originally Posted by Matt

I caught it from a toilet seat.

That post is priceless.


As for how I believe I became gay? I dont believe it was biologically determined before i was born and that's all I'm sayin'.

[popboy]

Oh, well, I'm a dissenter by nature.
I think sexuality is determined during the first three or five years of life. The brain is extremely flexible when you're born so I am quite reluctant to accept the biological explanation.
I agree with Goratrix's comments about the father's figure role in all this process (though I'd rather say it concerns both parents' roles). I blame everything on my parents just for my personal fun (I mean, I don't actually tell them that); there's actually nothing to revert now, things came out this way, period.

[Jas]

funny story.

a homosexual radioactive spider bit me.

too bad i cant web sling but at least i can say 'my gay sense is tingling'

[Jordano]

Personally, I think its because of the nature you're raised - I was/heck still am a momma's boy, in school I always hung out with the girls vs. the guys, dont like sports, got made fun of because of my high pitched voice and singing ability, was in show choir and anything musical, theatre, so I think its not biological. You could almost say people made fun of me so much and thought I was gay that it turned me...so many people think I am then maybe I am - but thats not the only reason of course!

[hawkeye]

Just a bit of random thinking, I came up with a bit of a humorous path that "could have"(as in probably didnt) made me like guys. Basicly its how my mom used to get me bright cloths, including pink and tydye, my pants were always short (kapree length pants and short shorts), my parents put me into soccer, and i went to a private school where we had to wear these "quaint and curious uniforms". If i ever need a little joke against my mom, i think it'd be telling her this.

On another note, While in Anaheim for DECA, i was able to bring up the subject of my advisor's gay brother. He claims that soccer made him gay. then again, my advisor is notorious for joking around. nobody realy knows when he is lieing or not. I asked him what kind of problems his brother faces because of being gay, and he told me that he was disowned for a short period after he told his parents over the phone during college, but he faces no more problems. I had to ask how he could face no problems anymore, and my advisor just explained "he lives in miami, straight is a minority there!".
Oh well, there goes that anicdote.

[joeyconnick]

In terms of facing problems, I know a lot of you are still in high school or college and it seems impossible that being gay could ever be a non-issue but it can be really common for it not to be a big deal once you a) get more comfortable with yourself and b) get to make more of your own choices.

[goratrix]

and c) get a gun.

sorry, couldn't help it... i'm in the agressive stage of my depression... if I were a girl you could call it PMS... still, it's the same on my... every now and then I get like this...

[Jordano]

Joey how old are you anyway - just curious - you're so full of great advice I was just wondering how long you've had to know all this...

[joeyconnick]

I'm 31... but I truly believe people can make good decisions no matter what age they are so don't feel like you have ten years before things get easier or anything like that. Certain things get easier, certain things get harder. It's pretty individual.

I think I'm lucky in that a lot of the "adolescent" stuff didn't happen for me until my early 20s (the idea of "delayed adolescence" is common when you look at queer people's lives) and I think by that time (I came out right before I turned 20), I had a few more "tools" (look, it's my emotional powersaw!) at my disposal to analyse stuff with and so I like to think I got more out of learning how to date and how to be social and what was going on with me internally than I would have if it had all happened when I was a teenager. Plus because I hadn't gone through it in high school, I came out of high school thinking that all that stuff they talk about that's supposed to be so great? That I had missed all that. So I was really happy to find out that wasn't the case and probably appreciated the good and the bad more than if I'd been trying to deal with it while also trying to figure out which university to go to or what I wanted to be when I grew up.

(I'm still not entirely sure what I want to do with my life but as the song says, the most interesting people often don't know even when they're 40.)

[Paul_UK]

Originally Posted by hawkeye

Why do you think you turned out queer (Gay, lesbian, bi, etc)?

Good question. It's something I have thought about in the past, but not recently. I think once you reach the stage where you are totally accepting of who you are, you stop questioning such things because it no longer matters to you. I did anyway.

For a while I thought it was due to boarding school. I went to a small all-boys boarding school from ages 11 to 16, and a certain about of "sexual experimentation" took place between us. Some was older boys offering younger boys sweets etc in return for favours (which is how I got involved initially), but most was between lads of similar ages. With this going on, which I enjoyed greatly, I assumed for several years after leaving school that this was the cause of the feelings I had. At this stage I was denying I was gay, convinced that if I met the right girl everything would be wonderful, but was blaming the school events for holding me back and making me not attracted to girls.

As I started to come out to myself in my mid-20s I began to realise that there was more to it than the solely physical events at boarding school. Thinking about other parts of my life, before and after boarding school, I began to realise that I had always been this way but that the boarding school events had awoken my interest rather earlier and more abruptly than would have otherwise been the case. I now believe that I was born gay, the same as some people are born left-handed, and it's just how I am.

As an aside, it is interesting to contrast what I experienced at boarding school in the late 70s with how people would react today. Could a 16 year old get away with giving an 11 year old a packet of sweets in return for a hand-job today? I don't think so. The 11 year old would be much more worldly wise and would know that this is completely inappropriate. Of course if there were threats and intimidation then the 11 year old may well keep quiet and let it continue, but there was none of this at my school. It was almost general knowledge that this is what these few 16 years olds did, and it was really no big deal. And to me as the 11 year old it was also no big deal either - I never felt like a "victim".

Nowadays the 11 year old would be made to be the victim and would probably have to go through counselling while his parents' lawyers dragged anyone they could blame through the courts. If I had been that 11 year old I would probably have been truely screwed up by the whole experience. But back then it happened, it's part of my life (and not even a bad part), and I carried on unbothered. It certainly hasn't scarred me in any way, and indeed I look back on the whole boarding school experience as a good part of my life.

Before anyone says anything, I am absolutely not advocating any form of unwanted sexual abuse or other abuse under any circumstances. I'm just wondering whether all cases really are as bad as the "experts" want to believe.

I'll get off my soapbox now, and let you all take this thread back on-topic!!

[hawkeye]

Ok, just came across this quote that kind of goes with this thread:

If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work: "Hello. Can't work today, still queer." - Robin Tyler

it reminds me of the people who called in sick from food poisoning. they did, of course, become sick from overuse of alcohol. " Yea boss, cant work today, I must have caught something from the case of beer i had last night"