I want to kiss him

[goratrix]

Ok, I have a small problem. When (and that's only WHEN) I get something in my mind... I can't get it out. and I end up doing it.

So... I was talking on the phone with LM the other day, and she was telling me about her problems and all that... and something just occured to me. What would AC do if I just walked up to him one day and passionately kiss him.

So... I asked a few of my friends (the ones I'm out to) what would they do if they were in AC's place. Like... how would they react. They all agreed that the outcome was quiet impossible to foresee... but some of them (most actually) suggested I should try.

Now... every fiber of my body wants to do it... but my brain (that is actually the most powerful part of my being) knows that I shouldn't... and I don't know how long my brain will stay in control...

Anyway... I fear that eventually I'll do it... and loose him forever, as a friend and as everything. Not to mention the risk of loosing TKD itself, which would probably be close the losing my life...

any input.

I think I'll be able to hold my back for a while... and hopefully it'll go away in a few days... but I don't think so... :'(

[nisomer]

lol goratrix... I'd say kiss him and get it over with. But that just wouldn't be right now would it? Follow the only thing that is stopping you--your brain. Wait, but wasn't it your brain that made you think of kissing him? Oh who am I kidding. Don't listen to me, I have no idea what I am talking about.

I'll just leave you with a quote from master Obi-Wan Kenobi: "You must do what you feel is right, of course."

[goratrix]

That actually made more sense than you figure.... And master Kenobi is quiet right... just... i don't really know what I feel is right. On one hand I want to do it sooo bad... but on the other... I don't want to loose him as a friend.... :'(

oh, and yet again, here I am with a dilemma... It's so simple, and yet so complicated... REALLY! what's wrong with me... I'll find myself more interesting problems...

[Jordano]

I hear ya, there's someone I just want to passionately kiss, and for awhile too, but it's quite impossible in my case...anyway!

So I don't know much about the history of you and AC...does he know you're gay, and do you think he might be gay? I ask these because if he knows you're gay then if something wouldve happened it wouldve happened by now so I guess I answered my own question. But if you think he might be gay I would choose your decision carefully because I thought my huge crush was gay and totally wanted to kiss him on several occasions but didnt and asked if he was first, finding out that he isnt and probably wouldve made a fool outta myself by doing so. But just by talking about it we've maintained our friendship, and just that!

You'll know what the right thing to do is, but if you can see you and AC being friends after you kiss him, go for it, because the worst that can happen is a simple awkward moment occurs, and in that case life moves on. But don't expect the worst cause situations are usually never that bad. GOOD LUCK!

Oh and about the brain thing, to me your brain is telling you not to but your heart or maybe even a different body part (haha) is telling to kiss him...

[Micah]

Stay strong, goratrix and continue thinking with your head. Not only could you upset him, but you could loose a friendship all because you gave into your desires. There's also the whole thing with him being underage. I don't think just kissing him out of the blue will solve anything.

Most guys, especially straight guys, don't take kindly to being kissed by another male.
In my oppinion the small chance of him responding to the kiss in a positive way isn't worth the risk of loosing him as a friend.

[TriBi]

Well, I was going to post my advice - but Dave pretty well said what I was going to, anyway.

I just think back to one time when I ended up doing something I wouldn't normally have even contemplated with a straight mate (we were both drunk at the time) and it pretty much ruined the friendship.

I wouldn't suggest you try something with someone you think quite a lot of, and is heavily involved in the sport you really enjoy, unless you are very sure of a positive outcome....and from everything you have said, I doubt that would be the case.

[joeyconnick]

Technically kissing someone without their consent can be construed as sexual assault, so unless you are very sure it will be welcomed, don't do it. Can you imagine how you'd feel if someone kissed you out of the blue and you weren't at all interested in them or expecting it? It's a total violation.

(Side note: I was at a party one time and lying on a couch. A guy I knew and was friendly with, though we were not actually friends, decided it would be funny if he got on top of me and dry-humped me--in front of other people. Now, if I had been into him and he'd done that, I don't think I would have minded. But I wasn't and I felt very, very angry and very humiliated and as a result, I did not ever talk to him again.)

As for how badly you want to do it, that's not an excuse for doing it. If wanting something badly made it okay to do it, I know I would likely be responsible for several dead bodies and missing persons.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to kiss someone. There is definitely a problem with actually kissing them unless you are very convinced it is something that is going to be welcomed.

[hawkeye]

even from the standpoint of liking guys, if a guy, even one i liked, came up and kissed me, I'd more than likely push him away. Not because I didnt want the kiss, or even didnt like it, but i think I would be scared of the environment, and scared of having something that i am used to the idea of not having. I'm not sure if this makes sense, but if you are just kissed out of the blue for no reason, the first thing that seems natural to come to mind is confusion. For these reasons, I advise letting the feeling go, it would probably go sour even if he was gay. after all, considering he's a blackbelt, he probably wouldn't just push you.

[nisomer]

^^exactly

[goratrix]

I've ran the scenario in my mind so many times, and then some more. I can't see anything good turning out from this... And there is the issue that it might be considered sexual assault, and that he's most likely homophobic, and most certainly straight.

Ohhh. It would've been fun to see his reaction... though I don't think I would be physically hurt (not much anyway) I know it would devastate our friendship... and there'd be nothig left.

ok... I'll just daydream about it and let it go...

Thanks... and to think that many of my friends actually told me to do it... Thanks guys.

[Jordano]

Thank yourself - you made the real decision, we just kinda helped you along the way! :smile:

[Kinuki]

A 'hello' to everyone here. =)

But on to the matter at hand: the question posed by this topic.

I'm suffering the same problem at the moment. One of my best friends (whom I've been friends with for about 5 years now) has begun looking very attractive; I find reasons to touch him, like slapping him playfully on the back or shaking hands, to help relieve my urges to do something more. But lately, as stress has been building up inside me, I wish I could just be wth him, because I think I'm starting to fall for him (though I can't say I'm entirely certain; there are many reasons that I could be feeling this way, hormones for example). The problem is that I don't know how he'd react at all; he sends very mixed signals. He talks and acts straight, but he's only ever had one girlfriend, for a week, that didn't even get to kissing, before they split up. It's been about 3 years since then, and when we joke he hasn't found a girlfriend, he just responds, "I'm waiting for the right one," which may or not be a lie. I've said the same thing myself to my friends, trying to cover why I don't have one (when in reality, I'm not sure if I want one or not, but that's not the issue here).

So, without knowing definatively where his preferences lie makes it very frustrating, because if I knew I could defintely never be with him, I could make my heart cut the feelings that I'm experiencing, instead of constantly being in an emotional limbo.

[goratrix]

First of all, welcome to the forum. I hope you have a great time here!

I can understand your situation. It would be good if you told us a little about yourself, because each situation is different and is to be addressed diferently. However, I do feel that I can tell you that your feelings are completely natural, believe me, I've experienced them myself many times.

As to whether he's straight or not... well you can alwas ask (XD) but mixed signals are common. Not having girfriend is not a signal. I'm sorry, but I have a couple of friends (quiet a few actually) that haven't had a girlfriend in a few years (almost 5). And I'm pretty certain that they are straight (except about one of them that I think is asexual XD). If he acts not interested at all or way too interested, i.e if he goes to the extremes, you can suspect there is something off... and perhaps you'd be able to bring it up in a conversation.

Anyway, you don't say much about yourself, and that makes it quiet difficult to give any advice at all...

Most important of all, make peace with yourself, and you shall have peace with others.

[Kinuki]

Sorry for the belated response; been very busy lately.

Well, a little background.

I'm 15, turning 16, entering my junior year of High School. I've known I was different from everyone else for about three years now, though I still don't know in what way; I guess you could label me as "confused" for now if you had to, because I keep approaching the first step of coming out (coming out to yourself) but end up falling back before I get there, because just as I think I know for sure, I end up second-guessing myself. I go to a homophobic highschool, and am a second child (of 2) of homophobic parents (naturally). I'm Protestant Christian, if I had to label myself, and Republican to boot. This makes me feel like I have quite a bit in common with hawkeye, I guess.

I don't know if that's enough information, but I guess I could give more if you needed it to help give me advice. I know I shouldn't do it, and I'm not stupid enough to try unless I knew for 100% sure that he would be willing to share the kiss.

Yeah, not having a girlfriend is not a signal, I see what you mean. But he is awfully quiet about such things. He makes the occasional reference to girlfriends or such, but he rarely talks about anything sexual unless someone else brings it up, and even then, he adds little. Once in awhile, of course, some guy always seems to bring up, "So, do you masturbate?" into a onversation of other guys. He just kind of blushed a bit (barely noticeable, but I swear it was there) and never really responded to the question.

What I find odd though is that he hates being touched, by anyone, really. Touching him in the side or on the stomach, even just like a playful poke or something, and he spazzes out. Any idea if that means something, or if he just really hates being touched?

Thanks for the advice. ^^;

[joeyconnick]

Originally Posted by Kinuki

I'm 15, turning 16, entering my junior year of High School. I've known I was different from everyone else for about three years now, though I still don't know in what way; I guess you could label me as "confused" for now if you had to, because I keep approaching the first step of coming out (coming out to yourself) but end up falling back before I get there, because just as I think I know for sure, I end up second-guessing myself. I go to a homophobic highschool, and am a second child (of 2) of homophobic parents (naturally). I'm Protestant Christian, if I had to label myself, and Republican to boot. This makes me feel like I have quite a bit in common with hawkeye, I guess.

Can one actually be Republican (or Democrat) if one can't vote yet? *grin*

Originally Posted by Kinuki

What I find odd though is that he hates being touched, by anyone, really. Touching him in the side or on the stomach, even just like a playful poke or something, and he spazzes out. Any idea if that means something, or if he just really hates being touched?

Occasionally, and I stress the "occasional" part, people who don't like being touched to that extent associate being touched with something really bad so it can (AT TIMES) be an indication of them having been abused.

That being said, it's more likely that he simply doesn't like being touched by acquaintances, which is hardly unusual in North American society. And being touched around the torso/stomach is not exactly a non-intimate thing (as in, it's different from being punched in the arm or a hand on the shoulder).

I certainly don't think liking or disliking being touched is ANY indication of someone's sexuality, unless they start rubbing up against someone who touches them, and even then that would only indicate they liked the person in particular, not their gender in general.

[goratrix]

I hate being touched... except for the right person (if you don't know who I mean... then you didn't read many of my posts here... XD). And I was never abussed. It's just that I hate it when people invade my 'personal space' and I become quiet agressive.

Ok, I have to say it... I DO love however, when AC touches me (oh, come on! like you didn't know... ... ok... I'll get my coat...)

[confusedkid]

Hey Kinuki... welcome to the club!

Originally Posted by Kinuki

Well, a little background.

I'm 15, turning 16, entering my junior year of High School. I've known I was different from everyone else for about three years now, though I still don't know in what way; I guess you could label me as "confused" for now if you had to, because I keep approaching the first step of coming out (coming out to yourself) but end up falling back before I get there, because just as I think I know for sure, I end up second-guessing myself.

Welcome to the club! :tongue:

Although, the fact that you're here says a lot, I mean, I'm just trying to determine between gay or bisexual... the fact that I like men is, at this point, indisputable haha, although I do vacilate a lot too... it's alright tho... ur still 15, things should get a lil clearer as you get older (haha, yeah, except for me... but I'm apparently an anomaly... )

Anyway, welcome!

-CK

[hawkeye]

First of all, hi!
I'd like to reinforce the fact that not having a girlfriend is not a trustworthy sign at all. I have a cousin who is turning 19, and got his first and only girlfriend last summer, and only stayed with her for 3 weeks or so. I still dont doubt that he's straight, its just that he doesnt have that personality to be tied to someone. His brother is exactly the same way, he's my age, and probably will resist getting a girlfriend till he's 20.

I'd approach this by bringing up something relating to gays with him. If he is gay, and knows that you are open to the idea, It'd be much easier for him to tell you. Also, if he is open to the idea, if you told him, you could probably be able to figure out if he is or not. The only way you'd be able to kiss him is if he A) knows that you like guys and B) is out and open with you. Like i said earlier, if a guy just kissed me, I'd probably push him away, more than likely not because i wouldn't like it, but because I'm not used to it. If i did know a guy that is open about being gay, and he knew that I am too, I dont think it'd be nearly as big of a problem.

Also, one thing that has become apparent to me recently, it seems that straight guys trust each other a lot. They trust each other not only for advise and help, but they also trust each other that no matter what happens or gets done, they dont have to worry about a guy liking them. So, for example, lets say that my friend is straight, he feels like he can dry hump and walk around naked all he wants, and it wont matter. It wouldnt matter because he trusts that i wont make a move on him. Now, even though I would like to sometimes, I wont. but knowing that someone wont do something just doesnt hold enough trust for some people. So basicly, dont make a move unless you know he wont feel awkward acting natural around you afterwards.

Also, joey, You can be a republican without being able to vote. Its a point of view and an endorsement. I just cant vote yet.

[joeyconnick]

Originally Posted by hawkeye

Also, one thing that has become apparent to me recently, it seems that straight guys trust each other a lot. They trust each other not only for advise and help, but they also trust each other that no matter what happens or gets done, they dont have to worry about a guy liking them. So, for example, lets say that my friend is straight, he feels like he can dry hump and walk around naked all he wants, and it wont matter. It wouldnt matter because he trusts that i wont make a move on him. Now, even though I would like to sometimes, I wont. but knowing that someone wont do something just doesnt hold enough trust for some people. So basicly, dont make a move unless you know he wont feel awkward acting natural around you afterwards.

I don't think that's something that's restricted to straight guys. I mean, I suspect straight women feel the same way around other straight women, and lesbians around gay guys, and vice versa.

It's a dumb way to think, though. You should trust someone won't make a move on you because they're your friend, not because you think it's impossible because you think you know their sexual orientation. I mean, look at your case. People are so hung up on the sheer TERROR of having someone "make a move on them." The problem isn't whether someone would possibly want to make a move on you, the problem is people's unfounded anxiety with being hit on (well that and the people who don't understand how to politely hit on people).

Stupid North American Puritan-based Victorian sex phobias! I hate how being hit on by a guy is constructed as the most horrible thing that can happen to straight guy. Like it says ANYTHING about the recipient's sexual orientation! *sigh* People are so fucking dumb.

[confusedkid]

Originally Posted by hawkeye

if a guy just kissed me, I'd probably push him away, more than likely not because i wouldn't like it, but because I'm not used to it.

*speaks from personal experience* Believe me, don't push him away, just go with it. And my experience was in public...

-CK