Random people contacting you - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

confusedkid · 25th May 2005, 10:19 PM

How do you feel about random people (i.e., people that you don't know at all) contacting you via MSN (or AIM or Yahoo) who say that they got your info off of one of those websites like Friendster, MySpace, Facebook, etc? Would you be weirded out?

Reason I'm asking: There are a few cute guys at my school that I've found via Facebook (an online college student directory) and I was thinking about IMing them since their info's listed on there... but would that be too weird and stalker-like? I was just thinking, if somebody did that to me, I'd probably talk to them, especially if they went to my school, but that's just me. What do you people think?

Micah · 25th May 2005, 10:44 PM

Well, for what reason would you be contacting them? Friendship? to suss them out (see if they're gay) etc? I would be lying if I said I'd never found out a cute guy's email and instant messaged him to suss him out.

The reaction from people varies quite a lot. Seems as their info is on the website I wouldn't think they would see you as stalker-like or anything. But if they don't want to talk to you, dont hassle them - that's when it turns stalker-like

Dave

confusedkid · 25th May 2005, 10:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dave

Well, for what reason would you be contacting them? Friendship? to suss them out (see if they're gay) etc? I would be lying if I said I'd never found out a cute guy's email and instant messaged him to suss him out.

Actually, I already know they're gay

... says so on the site!

Oh yeah (forgot to answer the second part to that question)... yeah, friendship mostly. I mean, they're at my school so I might as well try to get to know them, right? I dunno if that's how you want to make friends tho. LOL The way it's supposed to work is you get a mutual friend to introduce you or you just happen to meet at a party *achem* or you meet on a totally-awesome message board

-CK

Micah · 26th May 2005, 03:35 AM

Lol. Well I think walking up to them in real life, just out of the blue could be a bit imposing. Contacting them over the net is probably a better option, but i think if you can get introduced to them, that's the best way.

You may not have any mutual friends, so you could 'accidently' bump into them or something. lol. Of course, you could always try the direct approach - Walk up and introduce yourself. "Hi, I think you're totally cute and couldn't help noticing you from the otherside of the room. Wanna spend the night at my place?

"

I think I'll leave the how up to you. :P

Dave

cowboy_wannabe · 26th May 2005, 11:03 AM

well, my thoughts are, why post something on the interner if you didn't want people to contact you? i say if his im stuff is on there, it's totally fair game!! do the damn thing! if he thinks it's stalkerish, just tell him that you just wanted to be friends because you share the same campus and stuff... nothing more. if he doesn't understand, it's his fault for putting his contact information online.

joeyconnick · 26th May 2005, 05:20 PM

As long as you approach it casually, I can't see how they can object (without seeming like freakazoids, that is) since they're the ones who put their info up in the first place. Often how people react in those kinds of situations says far more about them than you.

What I would definitely advise against (one of my biggest pet peeves) is approaching them as if you knew them really well. Even if you've read every last post on their LifeJournal or blog, if you haven't met someone, chances are you really have no clue about who they are. I absolutely HATE IT when people who have seen my website email me and start talking like we're long-lost friends. If you haven't met someone, then they're a stranger, and you should treat them appropriately, which mainly consists of having no expectations that they'll initially reply or that they'll devote a good chunk of their life to you.

I really have no trouble with people contacting me out of the blue--it's when they act like they know me that really pisses me off.

nisomer · 26th May 2005, 05:35 PM

I'd say its fine because they themselves are gay. But if they were straight I wouldn't do it, it would wierd them out.

Phenobarbidol · 28th May 2005, 04:59 PM

well if they put their contact nfo on the site. you could assume that they would want to talk to new people.

goratrix · 29th May 2005, 02:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phenobarbidol

well if they put their contact nfo on the site. you could assume that they would want to talk to new people.

Although there is a difference between Internet contact and walking up on someone: Hey, I just saw your ad on <whatever site you choose>. Personally If I ever posted an ad (not my thing, though) I'd be freaked out by someone who'd do that, and most likely punch them in the face... XD

Micah · 29th May 2005, 03:13 AM

LOL, punching them in the face sounds a little...drastic. But I agree that opening a conversation with 'hey i just saw your ad' could be a little wierd.

Try talking to them without mentioning the ad, but if you can't think of a way to start a conversation with them, saying "hey, I just saw your ad" could prove to be quite alright.

Dave

goratrix · 29th May 2005, 11:49 AM

I am a drastic person... Still, that was an overstatement... but I'd probably be freaked out and be agressive in other ways. Some more hurtful ways than actually punching somebody in the face....

Micah · 30th May 2005, 04:29 AM

Is there any paricular reason, goratrix? Theoretically, if you put up an internet ad for the sole purpose of meeting people, it would mean you want to meet new people.

goratrix · 30th May 2005, 09:59 PM

Yeah... but personally I like to keep internet out of my life... and my life out of internet. I barely chat with my friends... well, I can safely say that I probably wouldn't post an ad... If I want to meet someone... then I'll just meet them. I know i'll be lonely for most of my life... but I like to think balance will come, and eventually I will find someone if balance will... and I don't think that posting ADs would work for me... I am way too emotional...

confusedkid · 31st May 2005, 07:33 AM

Hey guys. Let's see... I think I'm gonna contact this guy b/c even though his profile isn't on one of those dating/match sites (he's on this college website that allows you to find out who's in your classes) I checked his away message one day (oh man, I really AM a stalker...

) but it says that he's thinking (jokingly) about flying out to California to pick up some guys since he says the ones around here suck... HAHAHA

Yeah, so I think I will IM him (if he ever gets his ass back online) because he's obviously looking, and so am I... so why not?

There's just one minor problem: I think he's one of those guys who has been out for a while (and to everybody) and who has known that he was gay since he was 3 and told people that at 7... I'm not sure that out guys really want to "deal" with guys that are still (partially) in the closet...

-CK

joeyconnick · 31st May 2005, 11:08 AM

Seriously, in terms of how willing he'll be to deal with you still coming out, it'll come down to how much he likes you/thinks there's a future between the two of you. Or at least that's what it came down to with me. And of course it also depends how much he believes in everyone being out (i.e. how militant he is about it).

25th May 2005, 10:19 PM	#1
confusedkid No Longer A Member Posts: 134 Join Date: May 2005	Random people contacting you How do you feel about random people (i.e., people that you don't know at all) contacting you via MSN (or AIM or Yahoo) who say that they got your info off of one of those websites like Friendster, MySpace, Facebook, etc? Would you be weirded out? Reason I'm asking: There are a few cute guys at my school that I've found via Facebook (an online college student directory) and I was thinking about IMing them since their info's listed on there... but would that be too weird and stalker-like? I was just thinking, if somebody did that to me, I'd probably talk to them, especially if they went to my school, but that's just me. What do you people think?

25th May 2005, 10:44 PM	#2
Micah ^_^ Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to All Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 23 Posts: 2,532 Join Date: Feb 2005	Well, for what reason would you be contacting them? Friendship? to suss them out (see if they're gay) etc? I would be lying if I said I'd never found out a cute guy's email and instant messaged him to suss him out. The reaction from people varies quite a lot. Seems as their info is on the website I wouldn't think they would see you as stalker-like or anything. But if they don't want to talk to you, dont hassle them - that's when it turns stalker-like Dave __________________ 　／l、（ﾟ､｡７　l、 ~ヽ　じしf_, )ノ

26th May 2005, 03:35 AM	#4
Micah ^_^ Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to All Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 23 Posts: 2,532 Join Date: Feb 2005	Lol. Well I think walking up to them in real life, just out of the blue could be a bit imposing. Contacting them over the net is probably a better option, but i think if you can get introduced to them, that's the best way. You may not have any mutual friends, so you could 'accidently' bump into them or something. lol. Of course, you could always try the direct approach - Walk up and introduce yourself. "Hi, I think you're totally cute and couldn't help noticing you from the otherside of the room. Wanna spend the night at my place? " I think I'll leave the how up to you. :P Dave __________________ 　／l、（ﾟ､｡７　l、 ~ヽ　じしf_, )ノ

26th May 2005, 11:03 AM	#5
cowboy_wannabe Member Regular Member Location: Chester, Illinois Age: 23 Posts: 36 Join Date: Jan 2005	well, my thoughts are, why post something on the interner if you didn't want people to contact you? i say if his im stuff is on there, it's totally fair game!! do the damn thing! if he thinks it's stalkerish, just tell him that you just wanted to be friends because you share the same campus and stuff... nothing more. if he doesn't understand, it's his fault for putting his contact information online. __________________ cowboy_wannabe 16//gay//proud

29th May 2005, 03:13 AM	#10
Micah ^_^ Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to All Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 23 Posts: 2,532 Join Date: Feb 2005	LOL, punching them in the face sounds a little...drastic. But I agree that opening a conversation with 'hey i just saw your ad' could be a little wierd. Try talking to them without mentioning the ad, but if you can't think of a way to start a conversation with them, saying "hey, I just saw your ad" could prove to be quite alright. Dave __________________ 　／l、（ﾟ､｡７　l、 ~ヽ　じしf_, )ノ

26th May 2005, 05:20 PM	#6
joeyconnick sine qua non Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Toronto, ON Posts: 3,332 Join Date: Apr 2005	As long as you approach it casually, I can't see how they can object (without seeming like freakazoids, that is) since they're the ones who put their info up in the first place. Often how people react in those kinds of situations says far more about them than you. What I would definitely advise against (one of my biggest pet peeves) is approaching them as if you knew them really well. Even if you've read every last post on their LifeJournal or blog, if you haven't met someone, chances are you really have no clue about who they are. I absolutely HATE IT when people who have seen my website email me and start talking like we're long-lost friends. If you haven't met someone, then they're a stranger, and you should treat them appropriately, which mainly consists of having no expectations that they'll initially reply or that they'll devote a good chunk of their life to you. I really have no trouble with people contacting me out of the blue--it's when they act like they know me that really pisses me off.

26th May 2005, 05:35 PM	#7
nisomer Da Jedi Masta Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: All but a few Location: MN Age: 23 Posts: 581 Join Date: Mar 2005	I'd say its fine because they themselves are gay. But if they were straight I wouldn't do it, it would wierd them out.

28th May 2005, 04:59 PM	#8
Phenobarbidol Member Regular Member Posts: 14 Join Date: May 2005	well if they put their contact nfo on the site. you could assume that they would want to talk to new people.

29th May 2005, 11:49 AM	#11
goratrix EC Addict Full Member Age: 25 Posts: 570 Join Date: Apr 2005	I am a drastic person... Still, that was an overstatement... but I'd probably be freaked out and be agressive in other ways. Some more hurtful ways than actually punching somebody in the face.... __________________ Cicciux Back from beyond. A different dog.

30th May 2005, 04:29 AM	#12
Micah ^_^ Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to All Location: Melbourne, Australia Age: 23 Posts: 2,532 Join Date: Feb 2005	Is there any paricular reason, goratrix? Theoretically, if you put up an internet ad for the sole purpose of meeting people, it would mean you want to meet new people. __________________ 　／l、（ﾟ､｡７　l、 ~ヽ　じしf_, )ノ

30th May 2005, 09:59 PM	#13
goratrix EC Addict Full Member Age: 25 Posts: 570 Join Date: Apr 2005	Yeah... but personally I like to keep internet out of my life... and my life out of internet. I barely chat with my friends... well, I can safely say that I probably wouldn't post an ad... If I want to meet someone... then I'll just meet them. I know i'll be lonely for most of my life... but I like to think balance will come, and eventually I will find someone if balance will... and I don't think that posting ADs would work for me... I am way too emotional... __________________ Cicciux Back from beyond. A different dog.

31st May 2005, 07:33 AM	#14
confusedkid No Longer A Member Posts: 134 Join Date: May 2005	Hey guys. Let's see... I think I'm gonna contact this guy b/c even though his profile isn't on one of those dating/match sites (he's on this college website that allows you to find out who's in your classes) I checked his away message one day (oh man, I really AM a stalker... ) but it says that he's thinking (jokingly) about flying out to California to pick up some guys since he says the ones around here suck... HAHAHA Yeah, so I think I will IM him (if he ever gets his ass back online) because he's obviously looking, and so am I... so why not? There's just one minor problem: I think he's one of those guys who has been out for a while (and to everybody) and who has known that he was gay since he was 3 and told people that at 7... I'm not sure that out guys really want to "deal" with guys that are still (partially) in the closet... -CK

31st May 2005, 11:08 AM	#15
joeyconnick sine qua non Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Toronto, ON Posts: 3,332 Join Date: Apr 2005	Seriously, in terms of how willing he'll be to deal with you still coming out, it'll come down to how much he likes you/thinks there's a future between the two of you. Or at least that's what it came down to with me. And of course it also depends how much he believes in everyone being out (i.e. how militant he is about it).

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