Not Gay; Just Really Sexual

[xyc]

Okay, when I first was realizing I was gay, I can vividly remember that one of my first denial thoughts was... 'Well, I'm not really gay! Maybe there are gay people out there but that's not me. I'm not gay, I'm just really sexual... and so just me putting my dick in a girl's hole isn't enough.' Sorry for the vulgarity...

Anyways, I was watching a skit show where at least one comedian really is gay and the skit included gay people. At one point they started talking about 'have you come out' and the gay comedian response was, "No; but I'm not really gay, I'm just really sexual." It hit me so hard and it was weird. It also developed, for the first time, this kind of link where 'Hey, there may be other people who are going through and have gone through what I have!'

So, I just wanted to know if anyone else can remember thinking 'I'm not gay, just really sexual' or something like that. Because it seems that at least me and that comedian shared that...

[hawkeye]

Yep, I remember thinking that too, but I've noticed that I'm not just physicly attracted to guys. At one time a few years ago, i was really porn addicted, and another excuse that i thought up was that i was "getting bored" of straight porn because of watching so much.

[goratrix]

same here. Although It stopped when I started having fantasies of guys 'putting their dicks in my hole'... weird uh??

[nisomer]

^^^^^ LOL!!

Originally Posted by goratrix

same here. Although It stopped when I started having fantasies of guys 'putting their dicks in my hole'... weird uh??

You make me laugh.

I never went through that phase. Identifying as gay was very quick and easy for me - I didn;t really go through denial. I accepted it quite quickly.

[goratrix]

Hey! it's the truth! I actually had fantasies about having sex with guys (where I was the top) and I just kept saying to myslef: 'it's still ahole, like a girl's... so it's all right'. Then I started having fantasies about being a bottom, at first I kept trying to think in something else when that happened...

Then after that I got in touch with gay porn... Actually it wasn't gay porn... just a male model site, you know, underwear pics and stuff. And I started to admire the male body in all it's beauty, and so I started to accept that I might be gay.

[joeyconnick]

You guys are so funny!

I'm not sure if I ever made that particular excuse but I can totally see how it would make sense to someone who was just coming to terms with being non-straight.

I did do the whole envy/jealous "oh I just want to be more like him" and "I just want to be better friends/closer to him" and I just want to be popular like him" and "I wish I had a body like he had" stuff.

Which, as goratrix points out, did not explain the whole "oh I just want to suck his cock" thing.

[mandarof]

Do people think one day this will become a standard trait everywhere? It is already a lot easier in some cities and I just feel like to hell with everyone else. Some cities are ahead of the curve and let people live the lives they want while others lag in every way. What if grade school included some figuring yourself out lessons in sex-ed class? What if it was a good thing to figure people out?

I still have a tough time buying the whole figuring yourself out thing. I think people use that, along with being "bi" as a way to soften the blow. Sure, there are some people that are bi but generally I think that we are unsure only because of what society tells us. We are so different and abnormal if we are gay but look how normal I am everywhere else. I can't be! I just can't! Well, yes you are, you just want to hide it and see if you can somehow lead a normal life. Of course straight people never really go through the "figuring myself out" phase do they? Or a tiny percentage. How many people tell EVERYONE they are gay and then a few years later say never mind, I'm totally straight and I hate everything about guys. That is something I'd love to see. Especially after the world accepts them as gay, going back would be an unnatural destruction of that blissful acceptance.

I mean seriously, has that happened before? I personally explored other options in leading a normal life but knew that all the while I would be hiding who I am.

[JB1986]

Oh yes, I definitely went through that phase. And it lasted a little longer than I would care to admit. It's kind of embarrassing, actually. For instance, when I was in sixth grade, I got set-up with a girl. And the one thought in my mind was "Cool, guess I'm straight." (Yep, and that thought worked out really well...) Of course, about a year and a half later, I found the wonder that is gay porn. I'd seen some straight porn before, but honestly it didn't do much for me. With gay porn however, I couldn't stop looking, and got a huge...."stiffy." Of course, me being raised to think that being gay was wrong, I made the decision that I couldn't be gay, and had to be straight. And so I said I was.....for a few years at least. I could rationalize my thoughts as "Well, he has a nice body, I want a body like that." Or "I just like the thought of getting a little affection from guys, and guys are so cool to hang out with." That doesn't really explain though why I kept wondering what guys looked like naked, does it? My "oh crap" moment came (so to speak) when again, thanks to the magic of gay porn, I uh..... creamed myself, and it felt really really good. (I was a teenager, so please don't judge me! Please! ) However, I decided to rationalize within myself that I was "bisexual" to soften the blow. (Sorry, real bisexuals!) And that lasted longer than I will ever admit to, until I just said to myself "Who am I kidding? I'm just totally gay." And I kinda smack myself on the head for not being able to say I was gay much earlier, thusly saving myself from that ridiculous story I just told, which is unfortunately true. I think I've embarrassed myself enough for today.

[maverick]

I kind of went through the opposite - I went through a really long period where, because I have not particularly liked bottoming for guys as a female, I was like, "I'm not transgendered, I'm just asexual."

However, being asexual did not explain my easy arousal at all kinds of porn - gay, lesbian, and straight. I also had crushes towards both sexes growing up, but when anyone tried to get physical with me, I shut down regardless of their gender. Especially if it was a woman that was hitting on me, because I had no problems with gay people I didn't already know as long as they ignored me, but I avoided lesbians because they always hit on me. Apparently, I set everybody's gaydar off.

I thought it was asexuality, but really I was just intensely uncomfortable with my sexuality, period.

[peaceandlies]

I never had anything like that. I remember when I was seven, I counsiously realized that I was attracted to girls. I pushed it down, but it kept surfacing, so when I was twelve, I just figured: what the hell.

Between seven and twelve, I was pretty much asexual. And there was the time when I tried to become a boy...

[Plgrm43]

I always just messed with girls, neve really thought about my orientation. Then I realized I liked boys. So I went with "I'm gay" but then I'm still vociously attracted to girls! It's wild. However, cuz I use girls, I realized I'm gay with straight tendencies! Bi? Maybe. Gay? Def. Confused? Always! But that's ok. I love me

[haelmarie]

Originally Posted by JB1986

My "oh crap" moment came (so to speak) when again, thanks to the magic of gay porn, I uh..... creamed myself, and it felt really really good.

Same thing, except it was two UFC type guys play wrestling in a bed. And I was like... oh shit, I have a massive hard-on. I must like guys. And then I looked up videos of guys making out and youtube and that sealed the deal.

At first I legitimately thought I was bisexual . I had/have no problem getting off to straight porn and I remember having sexual thoughts about girls - but I always thought that just watching a woman give a blowjob to a man was boring and I was slightly grossed out when I first saw a vagina (but then I was nauseuous when I first saw gay sex come to think of it.) I also had this habit of watching videos bases on the guy's attractiveness, which should have set off some warning bells in my head.

Hell, I remember thinking about making out with a boy and I thought nothing of it. All this time I thought it was normal for boys my age to be a little experimental with their sexuality. I thought (and I guess I still do) that most people were at least secretly a little bisexual. It was never like "oh crap, I'm gay, I'm going to go to hell" - the idea of being gay was never even a possibility to me.

[straal1972]

I just kept telling myself that I liked the kinky gay porn.
"I'm not gay, I just like to watch other guys go at each other".
Now that I think about it, its quite funny.