Thursday Night Update

[goratrix]

Well... I thought I'd sum up an update on my situation on a single post... to make it easyer for you to follow up.

->Regarding my crush: Monday: didn't see him. He doesn't teach on mondays, so there was no contact. It had been over five days since last time I talked to him, when he refused my offer of giving him a ride. Tuesday: I didn't want to, but I couldn't stop myslef. So I went there. I had a pretty good day on tuesday, so I was happy. I talked a little with this girl (the one that had a crush on him that I think it's turning into me) and I asked her a little about her life (stupid me!). Then I went back to watching the class.

Now I must make a pause, and try to make it clear that I think that the feet are the most beauctyful part of the male body. Specially when It's a healthy foot, with a good arch, and stable. I never looked at his feet, until then. I just started watching and I felt a rush of feelings comming up my body. I turned arround (facing the street, I was at the door luckyli). And I walked away. I could almost feel tears comming out of my eyes. Now, because of my inability to cry I don't think I actually cried.

I got myself together again and went back inside. After the class we were talking and he mentioned that his dancing contest was on wednesday(sp?). He even told me where and when, and everything. I made some jokes about going and recording everything for later extorsion (XD). The night ended with nothing else to report.

Thursday (now we got the the rough part). Today I went there early (when I was comming back home from college), I just went there to see another instructor that I hadn't see in two weeks. And well, I met him and we had a little chat. I then noticed AC wasn't there (AC, my crush, you know). I didn't have to ask, This instructor told me that he had sent AC home to get his protective gear (yay! that could only mean sparring!!). I went home, picked up all my gear (uniform, protectors, weapons, everything) and went back there.

Before we started our training I was talking with AC, and well, he didn't seem upset with me. I found it weird... he seemed.... almost... glad to see me. I honestly didn't know how to react. We didn't get a chance of talking on tuesday, nor on wednseday. So I meant to give him my little apologize/speech today. Later, when the classes ended, I was about to leave, I said goodbye to the instructor, and when I turned to say goodbye to AC I noticed he was standing by my car. I was quick enough to understand that he wanted a ride. I wouldn't refuse... of course...

In the two blocks drive (don't judge!) he asked me if I had been to the contest and that he actually looked for me over there. I was shocked... I obviously considered going, but I decided it would be for the best NOT TO DO IT!!!! it would be way too evident for everyone. Besides, I had a class at 9PM and the contest started at 7pm... so i wouldn't make it to my class... It was not a tough choice.

That wouldn't have bothered me... I mean, I did joke a lot about going and recording the whole thing. When we got to his home, his cousin (i think) was there... and for what I could pick up from their conversation (I waited for a few minutes there chatting with them) he actually talked to his family, or at least his cousing, about me. I don't want to read too much into it... But I haven't told anyone on my family about him, and I never told anyone in my family (not even my cousins) about any friends. I don't know what to think... I know it's way to little to even consider it... but i'm desperate...

-> college: Ahhh, it's wonderful. It's so easy... or at least it seems.... I'll let you know next week. Yes!!! I have math finals coming next week, and then I start algebra (math, only a little bit more advanced). I hope I'll get good grades on everything... not really difficult... I'll just have to study a little bit.

Still, LM (my friend, and confident) is on tests season. So she has a crazy schedule, and we didn't even get a chance to speak on the phone last week. And since I start my tests season next monday I don't expect I'll be having a lot more time than she does now. I really miss her, and I miss our conversations about AC... XD

oh, well... I still have you guys.. that are probably sleeping on your keyboards by now... so I'll end it here...

Anyway... that's what's been going on with my life lately.

[joeyconnick]

Can I say I'm super-glad I'm not you? Because if I were, this whole thing with AC would drive me cRAyZEeee.

Well, I guess we've firmly established that he considers you a friend. It's not totally shocking in that when I was that age, if someone two or three years older than me paid attention to me, I would have loved it (not necessarily in the "I'm in love with him" sense, though).

I don't know that I have any advice except maybe to remain his friend. Although I can see how that might be a strain on you. *grin*

[goratrix]

Originally Posted by joeyconnick

Can I say I'm super-glad I'm not you? Because if I were, this whole thing with AC would drive me cRAyZEeee.

YAY! that's the kind of motivating talk I needed!!! I will go and try to cut my veins with a spoon. (another bad translation of a spanish expression)

Originally Posted by joeyconnick

Well, I guess we've firmly established that he considers you a friend. It's not totally shocking in that when I was that age, if someone two or three years older than me paid attention to me, I would have loved it (not necessarily in the "I'm in love with him" sense, though).

Now... why didn't I think of that? He's affecting me more than I can say. I am the youngest of my group of friends. Most of them are 20+, some of them are even married (none with children though). And I'm 18, and going through a major identity crisis, characterstic of teenages. So I actually consider it quiet normal for older people to hang out with youger people... though, I am quiet mature for my age (or so they say), and most of my friends are quiet childish... so I guess that compensates.

Oh... I'm still not thinking straight...

Originally Posted by joeyconnick

I don't know that I have any advice except maybe to remain his friend. Although I can see how that might be a strain on you. *grin*

I will remain his friend. I actually intended to become his friend in the first place. And still, I will keep looking for someone to share my love. I do feel alone in the world, and I need as many friends as I can have. If it should happen that I ever find a guy that feels about me the same way I feel about him, then I will welcome it with my arms opened... but I will not force it.

Hey joey, thanks for answering... you gave a new perspective on this issue... that I guess I have to carefully analyze.

[joeyconnick]

Originally Posted by goratrix

I will remain his friend. I actually intended to become his friend in the first place. And still, I will keep looking for someone to share my love. I do feel alone in the world, and I need as many friends as I can have. If it should happen that I ever find a guy that feels about me the same way I feel about him, then I will welcome it with my arms opened... but I will not force it.

Hey joey, thanks for answering... you gave a new perspective on this issue... that I guess I have to carefully analyze.

That, mon cher goratrix, is what I'm here for.

And yeah... I feel for you about the feeling alone thing. It can be rough but friends are definitely a good antidote.