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Old 13th Dec 2010, 01:06 PM   #1
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Default How to stop being snappy

Well, people tend to say that I snap a lot.
The truth is, sometimes I don't even realize I snap. And I don't deliberately snap (well, most of the times) to make people feel bad or something. And the funny thing is, I tend to behave this way more when I'm with close friends, families...etc I don't act like this when I'm with strangers or not-so-close acquaintances.
Sometimes I just feel like I don't know how to act all sweet and nice.
Anyway, how do I stop being this way? Do you know any people who act like this? or is it just me being mentally fucked up somehow?
Any opinions and advice would be appreciated!
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Old 13th Dec 2010, 01:09 PM   #2
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Default Re: How to stop being snappy

Think first. Then talk.
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Old 13th Dec 2010, 01:12 PM   #3
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Default Re: How to stop being snappy

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Originally Posted by Anonymous View Post
Well, people tend to say that I snap a lot.
The truth is, sometimes I don't even realize I snap. And I don't deliberately snap (well, most of the times) to make people feel bad or something. And the funny thing is, I tend to behave this way more when I'm with close friends, families...etc I don't act like this when I'm with strangers or not-so-close acquaintances.
Sometimes I just feel like I don't know how to act all sweet and nice.
Anyway, how do I stop being this way? Do you know any people who act like this? or is it just me being mentally fucked up somehow?
Any opinions and advice would be appreciated!
Anything bugging you at the time you snap?
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Old 13th Dec 2010, 01:12 PM   #4
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Default Re: How to stop being snappy

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Originally Posted by Shevanel View Post
Think first. Then talk.
^ Word. Seriously, just take ten or twenty seconds to think before you say *anything*, your second thoughts are usually going to be a lot more censored/less hurtful than your first thoughts, where you are more likely to speak impulsively regardless of the other person's feelings.

I'd probably just practice thinking, "How will this make So-and-So feel?" before you actually respond verbally. It's a smart habit to get into anyway, it has helped me keep my foot out of my mouth MANY times.
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Old 13th Dec 2010, 01:41 PM   #5
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Default Re: How to stop being snappy

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Originally Posted by Anonymous View Post
Well, people tend to say that I snap a lot.
The truth is, sometimes I don't even realize I snap. And I don't deliberately snap (well, most of the times) to make people feel bad or something. And the funny thing is, I tend to behave this way more when I'm with close friends, families...etc I don't act like this when I'm with strangers or not-so-close acquaintances.
Sometimes I just feel like I don't know how to act all sweet and nice.
Anyway, how do I stop being this way? Do you know any people who act like this? or is it just me being mentally fucked up somehow?
Any opinions and advice would be appreciated!
Anything bugging you at the time you snap?
OP:
Well, not really. Of course sometimes I snap because I'm irritated or upset, but I'm not talking about those circumstances.
It's just everyday conversation, I guess.

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Originally Posted by Shevanel View Post
Think first. Then talk.
^ Word. Seriously, just take ten or twenty seconds to think before you say *anything*, your second thoughts are usually going to be a lot more censored/less hurtful than your first thoughts, where you are more likely to speak impulsively regardless of the other person's feelings.

I'd probably just practice thinking, "How will this make So-and-So feel?" before you actually respond verbally. It's a smart habit to get into anyway, it has helped me keep my foot out of my mouth MANY times.
I think it has to do with the fact that I'm just a really spontaneous and impulsive person. I do admit that I sometimes just spit out the words without actually meaning them or thinking through. I've hurt some close people by talking this way, and I feel guilty, but it's hard to control. I guess I just need to take a moment before I open my mouth.

The other thing though, and people have said this too, is that sometimes it's not so much the language I use, it's the tone and the manner I employ when I snap. How do I fix this? You know some gay guys (but I don't want to stereotype) or bitchy girls that like snap when they're talking? Well, apparently I somehow fit into that category. And I totally wish I wouldn't talk that way, bc I know how annoying that kind of mannerism is
Again, any advice/thoughts/opinions on this??
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Old 13th Dec 2010, 01:49 PM   #6
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Default Re: How to stop being snappy

Since this in mainly something that happens among friends, why not enlist their help? Tell them you've noticed how snippy you get sometimes, especially when you're not thinking. So ask if they'll help point it out to you whenever you get that way. Whenever they think you're acting impulsively and inconsiderately, have them snap their fingers a couple times. That will be your sign to slow down and think. If you have to get up and leave the room/table/area for a minute or two to get your brain back in order, do it.

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Old 13th Dec 2010, 01:55 PM   #7
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Default Re: How to stop being snappy

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Since this in mainly something that happens among friends, why not enlist their help? Tell them you've noticed how snippy you get sometimes, especially when you're not thinking. So ask if they'll help point it out to you whenever you get that way. Whenever they think you're acting impulsively and inconsiderately, have them snap their fingers a couple times. That will be your sign to slow down and think. If you have to get up and leave the room/table/area for a minute or two to get your brain back in order, do it.

Lex
OP:
Maybe I should. I've thought about asking them, but it kind of hurts my ego, because I'm not exactly proud of my snappish attitude, and also part of me insists that this is just who I am so why should I change my attitude just because people say or judge. But bigger part of me tells me I should change for the better, so I'm going to try.
Thanks for the advice!
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Old 13th Dec 2010, 02:32 PM   #8
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Default Re: How to stop being snappy

Oh wow, I originally thought that by "snapping," you meant snapping your fingers. I was about to tell you that I have the same problem.
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Old 13th Dec 2010, 03:48 PM   #9
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Default Re: How to stop being snappy

I think theres something subconsiously bothering you, just think deeply lol.

I know how you feel.
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Old 13th Dec 2010, 04:09 PM   #10
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Default Re: How to stop being snappy

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Think first. Then talk.
I've never met someone in real life who actually thinks before they talk outside of the internet.

I mean, when was the last time you were in the middle of a situation and you just stopped everything and went "Well, if I do this, that will happen. But this will do this. Oh my god, this does that! Let's do that!"
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Old 13th Dec 2010, 04:38 PM   #11
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Oh wow, I originally thought that by "snapping," you meant snapping your fingers. I was about to tell you that I have the same problem.
I thought he meant being sarcastic at first. My grandparents always call my sarcasm "snappiness." So..yeah..
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Old 13th Dec 2010, 06:07 PM   #12
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Default Re: How to stop being snappy

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OP:
Maybe I should. I've thought about asking them, but it kind of hurts my ego, because I'm not exactly proud of my snappish attitude, and also part of me insists that this is just who I am so why should I change my attitude just because people say or judge. But bigger part of me tells me I should change for the better, so I'm going to try.
Thanks for the advice!
That's a very insightful look at yourself. The ego issue you're describing probably goes somewhat to self-esteem... because if you were really OK with yourself, then you wouldn't have any problems looking at ways to improve and change yourself rather than taking the "this is just who I am so why should I change" attitude.

I am guessing that the impulsiveness is part of it. There could also be some underlying anxiety or other nervous response that motivates you to give a snappish response. So you might look at how you feel amongst your friends, how comfortable you are, and if you do find yourself anxious, maybe explore why that might be.

And I do think you can think before you speak. I'm one of those that, irl, when someone says something that really makes me think, or changes something I've thought, I will often ponder it for 15 or 30 seconds before responding so I can think about it and respond meaningfully. I'm not suggesting you do that all the time, but I don't see any problem with taking a few seconds to think before you speak if you have a tendency to respond impulsively. And if your friends see you doing that, they will likely really appreciate it.
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Old 14th Dec 2010, 01:44 PM   #13
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Default Re: How to stop being snappy

I've often had the same problem, thats why I call myself a realist. Joey has it right. Think then speak
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Old 14th Dec 2010, 03:15 PM   #14
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Default Re: How to stop being snappy

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OP:
Maybe I should. I've thought about asking them, but it kind of hurts my ego, because I'm not exactly proud of my snappish attitude, and also part of me insists that this is just who I am so why should I change my attitude just because people say or judge. But bigger part of me tells me I should change for the better, so I'm going to try.
Thanks for the advice!
That's a very insightful look at yourself. The ego issue you're describing probably goes somewhat to self-esteem... because if you were really OK with yourself, then you wouldn't have any problems looking at ways to improve and change yourself rather than taking the "this is just who I am so why should I change" attitude.

I am guessing that the impulsiveness is part of it. There could also be some underlying anxiety or other nervous response that motivates you to give a snappish response. So you might look at how you feel amongst your friends, how comfortable you are, and if you do find yourself anxious, maybe explore why that might be.

And I do think you can think before you speak. I'm one of those that, irl, when someone says something that really makes me think, or changes something I've thought, I will often ponder it for 15 or 30 seconds before responding so I can think about it and respond meaningfully. I'm not suggesting you do that all the time, but I don't see any problem with taking a few seconds to think before you speak if you have a tendency to respond impulsively. And if your friends see you doing that, they will likely really appreciate it.
OP:
Thanks for the advice. I think the problem is that I am really a sensitive person inside, but on the outside, I always act tough and nonchalant, so I guess snapping has become my coping mechanism to hide my insecurities, sensitivities, whatever.
Maybe I'm just building up all the emotions inside of me, and that's causing some issues; for some reason I just have an allergy to looking all weak and becoming emotional and crying and whatnot. I rarely cry actually on any circumstances, which sometimes makes me wonder if I have a soul inside of me haha.
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