Craigslist Hookup

[Anonymous]

So I did something bad.......I gave in to a hookup on craigslist. I've always monitored the Craigslist feeds and wondered what it would be like. So a couple weeks ago when I was passing through a big city, I figured I could take the risk. What would I have to loose? I'm a virgin.....and found somebody online who sounded like a perfect person. I kept going back and forth, but told myself that the bigger the risk, the greater the return. and the worst that could happen is it wouldnt be fun...but not the end of the world. Soooooo I gave in and went to this guy's hotel room. He was totally 10 years old than the posting. And it was really awkward because their was the small talk...but Im not a big fan of smal talk....we both knew why we were there and it wasnt to share life stories. So finally I just lied down and bit the bullet. I've never even been kissed....and he starts kissing my body....and then makes out with me including tongue. I totally needed a Kissing Ed class....I had no idea what I was supposed to do with that tongue in my mouth! Anyway, I let him blow me....but I told him I couldn't reciprocate. After my orgasm, I just lost any fake feeling toward him. I just felt like I had to get out of there as soon as possible. I dont necessarily regret what happened. I learned my lesson. I would have regretted it if I didnt go through with it. Anyway, if anyone has any thoughts or advice...Im listening....

[Anonymous]

i aint even heard of that list haha. but you are either really brave or really stupid to go meet someone in a hotel that you dont know.

[SRSLYMARK]

I think everyone goes through a phase where they feel like they have to give in to sexual feelings. Especially if you're gay and don't have access to a dependable, kind sexual partner all the time. So, what you did is permissible, but I'm glad you won't do it again - it's a hard habit to break.

[seadog]

good job respecting your limit and sense of when you'd had enough.

[flymetothemoon]

Maybe you aren't totally proud of yourself for what you did, but you should be very proud of yourself for knowing when you had hit your limit for what was comfortable. Some people might say you backed out, but I say you did what you felt was right and you knew you weren't comfortable anymore so you got yourself out of the situation and decided not to put yourself in it again, and I think that is commendable.

[Lexington]

Hooking up with people via online isn't necessarily a bad thing, but there are steps to take both to make your experience safe AND to make your experience a good one. I won't list them here - I don't like the idea of writing a how-to list in a place where plenty of 14-year-olds hang out. But, OP, if you're over 18, and you're interested, feel free to PM me, and we can discuss it.

Lex

[KaraBulut]

In situations like this, there's not much point in dwelling on the past. It's done. You can't un-do it. You can't re-do it.

So, just look forward and do some thinking about ways to meet people, get to know them and date them before you get into more intimate situations. Post-orgasmic remorse is less likely when it's someone that you know,you trust, you like and who likes you.

[Anonymous]

Haha, that sounds like a pretty standard craigslist/*******/gay.com hook up to me. I haven't done the random hook up thing in a long time, but I have done it before. I actually met a really great guy online one time (but we talked for like 2 weeks before we met... not exactly a random hook up).

Don't feel guilty. It's something most people have done before especially if they are in the closet. I will tell you though, that my limited experience has never brought me to a home or hotel room that I was really happy to be in. I was usually planning my exit before I walked through the door.

If you want to meet people online... do it the same way you meet people in public. Take it a little slower and get to know them a little bit. Usually you can pick up on the bullshit that way too... i.e. "I'm 21" then 2 hours later "I'm 26" = "I'm 43 and married."

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Lexington

Hooking up with people via online isn't necessarily a bad thing, but there are steps to take both to make your experience safe AND to make your experience a good one. I won't list them here - I don't like the idea of writing a how-to list in a place where plenty of 14-year-olds hang out. But, OP, if you're over 18, and you're interested, feel free to PM me, and we can discuss it.

Actually, it's probably exactly the people who are under 18 who would benefit most from that kind of info. Not that everyone at 18 probably knows how best to proceed during an online hook-up but I find it highly doubtful that people in their teens never hook up via the Internet. Especially in places where the age of consent is lower than 18 (like the UK and Canada, to name two relatively major countries that EC participants come from), although really we all know many teenagers have sex far earlier than 18 or 16. So maybe there should be a "If you're going to hook-up online, remember these tips" resource somewhere on EC.

[joeyconnick]

I find it really interesting you're framing it as "giving in" to a craigslist hookup. I hadn't realized there were all these craiglist hookups out there trying to tempt us into doing something "bad."

To put it in perspective, I think initially people used to feel the same way about online dating (when online dating was a relatively new thing)... as in, "I gave in and put up a profile online." Something you might want to think about is how certain things get constructed as "bad," especially sexual things, and how we often readily accept these "rankings." Like how an anonymous hook-up is bad but if you met someone through a dating site that would be better or if you met in a club that wouldn't be as good as if you met someone doing something non-sexual and "fell in love."

While it would be nice if everyone's first times could be with their childhood sweetheart and female singer-songwriter music playing in the background while the two people (who are both virgins yet somehow just magically know how to do everything sexually perfectly) consummated their lifelong love for one another--VERY VERY few people get this. First times are probably more often disappointing than not. The idea that it has to be perfect and "just right" is, honestly, such a mindfuck. The reality is that often people have no idea what they're doing and often it happens when alcohol is involved and often it happens with people the person doesn't care about or (as in your case--and a lot of other cases, believe me) doesn't know.

So your story sounds pretty normal, really. I don't think you should feel guilty for doing something "bad." You wanted to have sex, you found someone to have sex with, you didn't misrepresent yourself, you listened to how you felt about it and set boundaries you were comfortable with. Feeling like you want to get out of there afterwards is also totally normal--lots of people do after the first few times they have sex, and of course you were also dealing with the fact that the guy was a stranger. Even putting aside all the baggage society saddles you with about how wrong it is to have sex with people you aren't in love with, having sex with someone is intimate and then after that's done, negotiating how to act in this bizarrely intimate situation when you don't really know anything about the person is just, well... tricky.

As much as it's common, it's too bad the guy lied about himself. I always want to yell, "But not EVERYONE lies online!" when I hear stories like that but obviously it's hardly rare for that to happen. I just personally never "get" that kinda thing because I would never want to face someone in a situation where it was obvious I had lied to them, so I cannot conceive of misrepresenting myself. But obviously I'm weird in this situation because you hear about it happening all the time.

As for Kissing Ed (cute! ), don't worry: lots of people have no idea how to kiss when they first start kissing. I had to "instruct" at least two boyfriends and I never thought I was particularly skilled at it. However, it turned out I was definitely better than they were. And then I was involved with this guy who hadn't ever been with anyone before and he was probably the best kisser I've encountered, so I guess some people are naturals (or he was lying about not having had any experience... but since I'm a romantic, I prefer to believe him *smile*). Basically, you have something to look forward to: think of ALL the practice you're going to have to do to get it right!

[KaraBulut]

Originally Posted by joeyconnick

I find it really interesting you're framing it as "giving in" to a craigslist hookup. I hadn't realized there were all these craiglist hookups out there trying to tempt us into doing something "bad."

A bit off-topic but I have heard very few people who had good experiences from CraigsList hookups.

Most of the stories I hear remind me of the rare trips that I make to Wal-mart: if you can't find what you're looking for anywhere else, if you're willing to deal with the dirty diapers and the ne'er-do-wells littering the parking lot, if you're willing to put up with the general trashiness of the experience... you'll probably find something there.

And of course, there are some places in the US where Wal-mart (or CraigsList) is your only choice.

The recent stories about the murders in Boston where the perpetrator met his victims on CraigsList don't help the reputation of CraigsList.

Originally Posted by Anonymous

Actually, it's probably exactly the people who are under 18 who would benefit most from that kind of info. Not that everyone at 18 probably knows how best to proceed during an online hook-up but I find it highly doubtful that people in their teens never hook up via the Internet.

Teens are one thing but I think the concern is that we allow people as young as 13 to join EC.

Online hookups are risky. It's a catch-22 because you don't want to give them any of your personal information but you want to know as much about them as possible about the other person to be sure they're not some sort of stalker, crazy person or sexual predator. Of course, they're wanting to know as much as possible about you without revealing anything about themselves.

And the general guideline for meeting anyone that you've gotten to know online (even for friendship) is to meet in a public place and preferably to bring someone with you or have them nearby in case you need to make an exit.

Beyond that, it's probably best not to get into the subject in too much detail in the open forum.