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Old 19th Oct 2008, 10:05 PM   #1
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I want to kill myself because I can't be independent

Just like the thread title says, I want to kill myself because I can't seem to set out on my own. I have a bachelors degree (major economics, minor business) and I can't find a job of any kind. I wanted to go into finance, but that isn't happening for obvious reasons, then I tried any kind of retail management (I worked as a sales associate for 3 years during undergrad in my local mall) without luck. And lately I've been looking at regular sales associate positions, also without any luck.

I'm not even being called back for an interview, I just submit applications and it feels like they go into the aether. If I got a callback for an interview and nothing happened then at least I would feel like it was a legitimate failure, but where I am, it feels like I am Bruce Willis in the Sixth Sense, maybe I'm already dead and my family at home are just the only ones that don't know it.

I hate living at home, sometimes I think I might be happier being homeless than being at my parents house. I just want to live on my own like I did in college, but I can't afford it and I need a job to do so.

I don't know what to do, I end up crying myself to sleep most nights. I would move anywhere in the country for a job that let me support myself, but submitting resumes through my campus job site, and the major job sites have not found me anything. Its stuff like this that make me wonder why humanity isn't still in caves, trying to support ourselves.

I'm the kind of person who's never failed at anything before, straight As through school, got into the colleges I wanted to, but now I find myself only failing. And I don't know what to do with myself. I've lost touch with most of the kids who were my friends in high school, the ones I still have some contact with are still working on their Bachelors ad aren't really helpful in a job search. My parents give me a little cash to spend every month on snacks and whatever, I end up buying Bacardi with it. Its how I cope, since I dont have anything productive to do. Plus I've gained like 30 pounds in the past year, since I'm not doing anything useful, or have anyone to spend much time with at all. I don't want to go out since I live at home, and don't want to bring anyone here.

Its a destructive pattern, and I realize that, but I dont have a way to break out of it. What would you do, or advise me to do. Or am I just screwed since monster.com is failing me. Should I continue with the Bacardi and crying myself to sleep that I've been doing for the past few months?
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Old 20th Oct 2008, 08:49 AM   #2
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Re: I want to kill myself because I can't be independent

A lot to say here.

The first thing to keep in mind is that, for lack of a better term, "shit happens". We get sick, we lose our jobs through no fault of our own, what have you. And sometimes, you can't just instantly, or even quickly, make the shit go away. You're stuck riding it out. And in many ways, this is the real test. We all can be great people when the sun is shining, we've got lots of friends, and there's a regular paycheck coming in.

So here's your "shit" - you're looking for a job in a lousy business climate. It happens. Most of us of a certain age have gone through it. And yeah, it sucks rocks something fierce. But nobody is unemployed forever. It may take longer - perhaps a LOT longer - than you want it to. But you can handle it. It's something that needs to be endured, but you can endure it.

First off, find the positives where you can. And believe it or not, you do have some. Mainly - you've got a ton of spare time on your hands. I know that sounds like a curse right now, and it can be, but use the time wisely.

* You've gained weight, and you're unhappy about that. So take time to start losing it. Set aside a period of time each day - maybe 15-30 minutes a day to start - to exercise. You don't need a gym membership or a huge machine. Jogging, aerobics, stretching, yoga, strength exercises can all be done in your home, with little or no equipment.
* Set aside a certain amount of time each day to work on your job hunt. Search online for potential job openings. Look online for tips on writing better resumes, and giving better interviews. Scan the want-ads. Pound the bricks and see what you find. Even if it's not a great job, do remember that nothing appeals to employers more than employment. They'd rather hire a guy who took a lame job for three months than a guy who didn't have one at all.
* Volunteer. Find some places around town that you might be able to volunteer once or twice a week. What might you like to do? Work in an animal shelter? Tutor GED students? Help the homeless? Save the environment? Volunteering helps in several ways. First off, it gets you out of the house. Secondly, it gives you a sense of purpose, and makes you feel better about yourself. And thirdly, it's a killer resume builder. It shows potential bosses that when you couldn't get a job right away, you didn't go home and play XBox all day - you went out and "made a difference".
* Drop the Bacardi. It doesn't help the problem at all. It pushes it away for a bit, but it also adds another problem on top of it - you're drinking too much, and you're wasting your money.
* Ask your parents how you can help out. You're staying in their place, rent-free, and they're actually giving you some cash. So see if you can get a list of chores that you can do to help "pay back". Whatever that is - dishes, washing the cars, vacuuming. It'll give you something to do, and it'll make you feel better about "sponging".
* Work on your social life. You CAN have one, even unemployed and living at home. Look online for some groups you might want to join - biking club? volleyball? And don't be scared to bring your friends - old and new - home. There's nothing wrong with "living at home temporarily". It happens a lot. As long as you make your attitude clear - that this is something you're doing until you can get a job and move out - nobody's going to think less of you for doing so.

That'll do for now. Go kick ass.

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Old 20th Oct 2008, 09:18 AM   #3
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Re: I want to kill myself because I can't be independent

Lex has us all 'kicking ass'... a lot of people are going to have sore bums.

How long have you been looking for a job? Did you finish your bachelor's degree just this past spring? If that's the case, I wouldn't beat yourself up over that. It IS a tough job market. The more depressed you get, the less likely you'll land a job. Employers want someone with a 'can do' attitude. You don't have one of those right now.

I was in a similar position 15 years ago when I graduated from business school. A lot of my friends had landed great positions through on-campus recruiting - and I didn't. And some people even got crappy jobs through on-campus recruiting - and I didn't! So I graduated without a job to go to. Thankfully, I had kept my part time job, and just went back to that in the summer time while I kept looking, and waited. And it was mid August before something came up. In the end, it was the PERFECT job for me. When I think about how I would have settled for ANYTHING, I would have missed out on that great opportunity as a result. I'm convinced that things happen the way they do for a reason.

So while it's frustrating, you can't assume that it's a permanent situation.

If you don't get a response, follow up and ask people why. What do you have to lose by doing that? Nothing. And what do you have to gain? A lot. Most probably still won't give you an answer, but on the chance one of them does, it might prove very helpful.

If you have an education in business, as I do, then you could likely find volunteer work with any number of charities - helping them with their bookkeeping. Or volunteering to help seniors do their income taxes. Something in your related field would be ideal, and I'm sure those opportunities are out there if you look for them.

Now, if you graduated 4 years ago and you're still looking for work, then there might be something else at play here. What else is going on in your life? Maybe it's time to talk to a therapist or some kind of 'life coach' to get some honest feedback about how you're presenting yourself.

Good luck. If you'd like me to have a look at your resume I can - and perhaps give you some suggestions for improvement. Let me know.
"It is never too late to be what you might have been."
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Old 20th Oct 2008, 04:29 PM   #4
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Re: I want to kill myself because I can't be independent

First of all killing your self will not solve anything! I have been laid off twice and fired once. It totally sucked! I moved in for a while with my brother and his family. Now I am on my own, have worked at a company for 4 years and just started a job in the insurance industry. The company I work for has branch offices all over the country and is looking to double their sales force. If you are interested PM me and I can give you the name.
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